Side-Effects?

Cig. have side-effect that creates missing someone to become even more?

I wonder my life if not missing anyone too much I would be a stronger person?

I'm listening to Gold F.M imagining life that I desire, it's usually song about love, sometimes I listen to Kiss F.M Too, about love too, it's like ambitious couple lifestyle in my imagination I wonder how to get it with my Soulmate. Feeling Sad must listen to music anyway, it's the missing someone kind of feeling.

Why if they're so beautiful and not married then my soulmate don't know she's my soulmate? Why is life like that? It's not normal beautiful people not married there's definitely something wrong like the soulmate is me as fact. I believe something like this, I am on medication so I don't know if it's schizophrenic or not.

(S) Been on my mind since kindergarten days, I don't know how I can normalize myself, (W) since my B.M.C Days and (A) since my N.S Days, I'm solo life always think of them as peaceful for me. I wonder how I can get my Soulmate, blog is the only chance she gets hinted about my feelings.

I'm so bored at home, thinking of food and my life if will become a soldier soon, I'm waiting for November if have any news about Soldier Recruitment, I'm just excited about it hoping psychic is true again. It's hard to believe Soldier recruitment will happen, it's like I will apply to become a Soldier instead of them knocking doors, I wonder if psychic is true about this I really hope it's not next year.

I wonder what I should do, I feel like cycling now, missing people in my heart too, quitting smoking keeps becoming the decision to feel much more stable I guess - about missing someone in heart.

What makes them not contact me at all? Isn't it schizophrenia that created me like a kind of nonsense talk? Why is everyone okay about it, isn't it that a man could possibly be touching them? I guess I am Abit insane in belief that there's no effort to get them into "nobody touches"? Why there's no effort to get the girls I want in my life? Why am I let difficult life other than worry of using money to be buying cig. instead?

Quran became a said thing, that they like but the chances of men touching them is higher than me Reading Quran? Why are they doing like this to my life? Are there no Psychic or Wali Allah that will help me get my Soulmate? Why are girls let be like that with the chances of having other men into their life like this? It's definitely like an Insane decision being happy if I love to read the Quran than a man touching them, why they don't think of chances at all? I'm let be missing them with many years of memory loss then there's no way to confirm no other men touches them? Why am I like this? Isn't like a marriage wear already worrying enough?