Why it's only 38years old I will feel happy? What will happen to me on that day? Why there's nothing at this age now don't I need it - the happiness?
When will someone appear into my life again? I can't like this Solo Life imagining marriage all that, others have nothing to worry at All. I wish to go for honeymoon 1 day to Italy, France, Germany, Russia or U.S.A, it will be fun adventures. Why am I imagining like this while others don't?
What should I write about during my loneliness? I downloaded a Diary App. To write stuff too, I wonder if a hacker can spy diary will be cool too, like creator of program actually if can spy a diary my life won't be boring I guess.
I deleted alot of nonsense posts from my Facebook anyway, it lessens worry for (W) I guess I remember she told me to delete stuff last year or some years ago, why is my life like this still, what would the happiness of 38years old be?
It really feels like marriage, but marry who? (W)? (A)? (S)? Will they appear in my life sooner during my recovery moments so I can restrengthen myself? I wish they appear, this year definitely my last year of taking medications for real, I mean to take it as a confirmation thing, unless doctor tells me not to, seeing someone recover schizophrenia until 85% makes me energized but it's like felt last year too I wonder why I didn't continue my medications last year?
38 years old, I truly wonder what job I will work as because of the $50K Savings for 3 years by Psychic, I really want to be successful this time Psychics, how do u know I don't take medications and still okay about it, even my age of recovery known as 38years old too? I truly want to recover this time, the feeling of heat from heartache is insane I need to remember my medication is to counter this, I can get unnecessary heartache from the voices, I don't know why my life's like this. The voices became less at 54th day of my medication, I know the pills are working? I can't like if it's actually after 19 june 2026 then I start taking medication for 1 year, doctors as psychic knew but not telling me if I will be missing any pills this year until 19 June(my birthday) 2026(38years old). I'm wishing for my success and hoping I will do well, this kind of life is like an examination, discipline to take medication isn't it I'm already at signs of recovery? I really hope I recover to be a psychologist too as my definite try at 38years old I think. Will doctor help me to become a psychologist? I need psychic power to care my Soulmates I feel. I really want to study psychology and computing technology at the same time. This 2 been my interest since primary days, then I have schizophrenia I can't do anything but loss the ability to learn, can doctor take a different step like focus to spike me medication unknowingly if I miss medication anyway? But it's too late as I already plan on taking medication totally this year too. I wonder what I should do to be happy.
Other than fishing, is to buy handheld console games, the RG* kinds? Then anhedonia I still will loss pleasure of games, what should I do? It's like (W) or (A) message me but I anhedonic then Its impossible I don't want to chat with them. Life sucks it just goes away like that, my happiness because of anhedonia. Remembering the past was like that really sucks.
Hope I won't be Anhedonic if (S) message me 1 day.
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