Thinking of December

Laptop is why, I want to buy a laptop but it's taking a long time and it's cheap only $99. Why is my life still like this? The happiness is still not found yet at this age. Would it be after Jobclub? Will Jobclub give me a nice job every morning 1 day? I plan of getting Hygiene Cert to work as Food Packer before, I wonder what's my life going to be like if get a job through Jobclub, maybe the difference happens and I can see what I would've gain in life since long time ago if take medications.

It's only October 13, and Today is the 60th Day I Am Outside Ward On Medications, I'm happy I am successful until 60 Days, it's considered as 2 months. I only have 305 Days to go to hit 1 year? Wow. Today I'm going to buy McCrispy Bundle I think and Eat at McDonalds or Just Takeaway? Just a rare food moment it's cheap.

When is my life gaining during this year, I hope I gain in life before 38 years old, Jobclub in the way of life plans or else I would've worked at night shift such things but it's the best plan since it's from doctor then I believe doctors' plan. I maybe would be more stable working with doctors' plan. The Rest of mind "to have nothing to think about" is hard because of Jobclub, visits and Monthly Medications(Injection/Collection of Medicines), I don't know when my mind would rest.

I don't know when is the research money from i.m.h, maybe it's November? I feel like just buying laptop before December so I write nicer.

I don't know why my life is difficult about money as something normal to happen, it's weird I forgot I'm 37 years old many times or else the energy to do something is like a jump, will I be successful in learning new things in life? Will i be fine as this age now?

Is writing not important in life? To not buy a laptop and just having money for food? Will I be okay thinking of my life in a secret suffering as "it's adult to be this way"?