I Wonder How Doctor Can Let Me Live With Computer Again, Their Focus Is Helping To Recover Then The Loss Of Life Doesn't It Mean Increased Of Schizophrenic Moments Too? I Wonder How Neighbours Are Stable Schizophrenic While I'm Not - Medications Maybe Causes Stability To Happen To Me, But Jobs Creates Rush and Panic in Heart. I Need Other Type Of Peace Like Knowing My Family Understand That If I Can't Solat Or Work They Don't Demand/Tell To Solat and Work, It is Common Sense To Do It Anyway, People Really Want To Solat and Work For Money, Why Panic Been Created In My Heart If They Would Ask For It?
I Think I'm Waiting For Monday So D.B.S Use My New Number Instead of Old Number So That I Can Topup My Own Simba Card Myself One Day and Easier To Buy Things Online.
I Search for "sakinahjam" On Plato but she's not around yet, I Tried To Add Her, Means She Haven't Used Plato Yet, I Remember Doctor Saying 16/17years Ago That I Will Meet Her At Plato Inside M.R.T, Will I Be Okay How I Am Far Apart From Someone I Love? Doctors Being a Psychic Didn't Even Try That I Have A Daily Life With Her, I'm Made To Be Difficult In Life Having No Money To Search For Her Too. Why Are People Selfish In Their Desire Of Wanting Me To Take Medicines? Isn't She A Shortcut To My Recovery I Suddenly Recovered Whenever She's Around?
I Tried Messaging "Sakinah Jam" on GoodHood But There's No Reply Too, Why Is My Life Like This So Many Years Then To Believe "It's Under Control", When Actually They Think/Believe I'm Insane Then Maybe Have Thought An Answer To Say I'm Not That I Will Believe? Means They Think I Can't Take Care Of Myself And Can't Have Someone I Love At All. They Risking The Days, Months and Years Of Life Of Sakinah Not To Be In Touch With Me But Other Guys Maybe Touching Her Already, Yet They Let Me Live On Like This Without Getting Her For Me. Why Are They Like That? Why They Want Me To Believe It's Under Control? Time Keeps Moving Forward That I Kept Growing Older, It's Definitely Will Become Too Late 1 Day? We Know God Don't Show His Face, Means God Have Never Really Answered Us Before and Means God Don't Respond To Our Wishes? Because We Usually Get Things Ourself By Our Effort, Then For Sakinah, There's No Effort From My Family, They Let Me Be Being Selfish "As Knowing Ones" Like A Psychic "That It is Okay", Why My Heart Beats Like This? I'm 37 Years Old Then Their Comforting Answer is The Answer I Got Is: I Will Recover at 38 Years Old.
No Support of Money Happens Just C.D.C Voucher if They Go Johor, To Buy Food Downstairs, This Kind of Support Really They Want To Control About Cigs. Then Doesn't Soldier Smokes Then They Still Fit and Strong? I Maybe Have Other Ideas Like Saving-Up And Going To Other Places, I Can't Even Save Money. I'm Treated Like A Kid At This Age Too?
I Have 15 or 16 More Days Of Stress That I Will Think Of Sakinah Daily Then I Received No Help To Get Her At All. I'm Really Growing Old, Then It's Because Of Not Married Yet, Then I Imagine Myself To Have No Children Even at 40 Years Old, I'm Just Too Late That Nobody Cares "It's Just My Luck As Have Schizophrenia, Too Bad". In I.M.H Even When On Medication, I Imagine Sakinah Will Become a Psychic and See Me As Her Soulmate, Will Have 6 Children That All Becomes Psychic, Why Even On Medication These Happens To Me, Is It Lovesick? I Really Think I Am Lovesick Then What If It's The Cause Of Difficulty To Work Other Than Schizophrenia? Why Is My Life Like This? Someone Don't Have Any Idea How Happy Imagination Can Happen, That Even At This Age Being Enough Time, Yet They Still Let Her Keep Growing Older and Doesn't Help Me Get Her At All.
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