How To Trust God's Plan?

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My life can't feel life I have wasted my own life due to not taking medications in the past unable to do anything, the plan to focus on medication become believing in doctor that work can be done, it's only 1 year, jobclub is only 1 month then start of allowance, I wonder if I would be well.

How people easily say as Trusting God's Plan but I don't know but just feeling sick daily, taking medication had been done, then what about their way of telling to Solat like I don't want to? Will I Be Fine?

I Don't Know Why When Others Zikir They Experience Peace While Me Just Schizophrenia It Is Not Truly Felt, But I Just Zikir Sometimes Anyway.

I Wonder What People Mean When They Say Trust God's Plan, I Have Been Feeling Sick For 17 Years, Does It Mean Taking Medicine is Actually God's Plan Too? God Really Made Me Lose Like 20 Years Of My Life? Why Is It Like This? I Look At My Niece Dina Reminded Me She Was So Small When I Still Remember Then Kept Losing Memory She's Suddenly Grown Big, It's Hard To Believe People Let Me Feel Nothing In Growing Up, Maybe I Lost Memory? The Start of Difficulty Was After N.S Suddenly C.o.C Special Limits and Wasted $5K, if They've Given Me The $5K I Would Have Done Computer Courses Would Be Nicer? Why They Knew I Would Not Be Able To Do It But Let Me Be? Like Money Cant Be Nothing To Them, They Should've Known I Have Schizophrenia And Cant Study But They Let Me Try And Wasted $5K That I Think Somehow Can Be Gotten Back 1 Day.

I Don't Know Why There's No Insurance For Schizophrenia, Is Maybe Because Not Many Are Like Me In The Past: Keep Skipping Medications? People Know How To Eat It Is How They Survive Schizophrenia. I'm so Unlucky To Have This Sickness, It Create So Much Worry Like Losing Life. Even Taking Medications I'm Hoped To Work Instead Of Them Seeing Me Reach A Stability First, But Then Believing About Doctor. I also hate how my mother keeps saying "Segalanya Dari Allah"(Everything From God) then My Sickness Require Medication She Keeps Insisting if God Wants To Heal Me He Will. Why Does God Want Me Sick and Feel Troubled By Questions or Demands Then? Why Will I Be Worried of Jobs But Okay(Because Doctor Feels It's Fine) About It? Then How About The Spike When Will I Recover From It? Today Morning It's Felt Again The Spike, It Don't Go Off From My Body Easily Yet I Guess.

I Wonder What I Should Do To Feel Fine, Neighbours Just Live Life Normally Looks Fine Because Of Medications While I'm Still In Stress Even If Take Medication - Still Wondering Why They Take Medications For So Many Years While I Am Suddenly Recovering At 38 Years Old, What is The Difference? It's Also Worrying How I Imagine So Many Years Of Medications But Doctor Have Told Me It's 38 Years Old Recovering, Then Why Can't They Just Make Me Wait For 1 Year Until I Have A Job? I Feel Like Looking For A Job Myself But Spike Created My Sleep Abit Unstable.

I Don't Know How My Life Will Be I Can't Get Sakinah, Reminded of Her Engagement(To Be Fiancee of The Man), Then Her Forehead Definitely Was Kissed? She Definitely Put Her Head Low/Down For The Man? I Definitely Have Lost Her?