Yesterday I Dreamt of Zik Making His Mother Sew A lot Until Tired. Zik is my N.S Friend with Epul, In N.S We 3 Are Always Together In The Past. I Wonder Why I Have No Friends Suddenly When Zik Got Motorcycle License It's The End For My Life Of Going To N.S Together, We Split Ways. I Remember This Part Of N.S Is Odd When Memory-Split Is Medications and Without, I Think If It's 1 Year of Something, Will Remember In Memory-Split? But I Didn't Remember of Black Magic At That Time Not On Medications. Life is Weird People Believe Of Black Magic Then I Lost Memory A lot.
I Wonder How I Can Be Normal? Is It Computer Like A Key Of Normal Health?
I'd Like To Play Games On Computer Again, This Brother's Computer I Can Only Play Counter-Strike 1.6. I'm thinking of how my memories can be normal again, there's like something heavy in my heart that I feel fear in it I wonder why. I remember I Will Become A Special Smoker That Can Quit Smoking On The Spot Because I Feel Soldier Life Should Smoke To Be Strong Man, I Wonder Why It's Like That, I Do Feel Unstable To Work As Fact.
I'm Sad How I Don't Dream Of (S) When I Sleep, Does This Mean She Doesn't Want To Meet Me? If Dream of Someone Means The Person Wants To Meet Us Is It Real About Dreams Definition?
I Actually Don't Know When (S) is Using Plato, It's Been 5 Years I Calculated I Have Been Using Plato And (S) is Not Around Yet, Even On GoodHood I Get No Response, I Don't Know How I Can Get In Touch With (S), Days and Years(More Than 10) Pass By While The Chances Are Being Decreased Yearly, Daily, Monthly Of Being Together With Her, Why Didn't She Tell Me To Give Up In M.R.T? It's Weird Life Is Like This, I Have Feelings For Someone Without Getting The Person And I Have To Bear With It.
My Body Don't Feel Normal If Just Waking Up And Sleeping Daily, Working Maybe Makes Me Think I'm Normal Again, Jobclub Still Haven't Called Or Update Me About Cleaning Training Too, If It's Close To December I'm Lucky As G.S.T/Assurance Package Will Be Received That Month.
Then Because Of Stories and Plato People(That Is Psychic's Knowledge) I Became Not Knowing if My Soulmate Really Spied Me In Plato, She Mentioned It Before In M.R.T But It's Maybe A Psychic Knowledge and She Don't Know Plato Too At That Time, When Is The Day I Will Be In Touch With Her? Will She Say She's Attached Again? Is 31 Years and 16/17 Years Not Long Enough That Someone Help Me Get Her? It's Like Nobody Cares And I Can't Do Anything About It - They just want me to take medications without telling or comforting me they are handling about her, I left in wonder if I will be with her. Lovesickness is a bad thing, I wonder if she will ever feel the same as me and understand Lovesick at all.
I'm at Day 94 Of Taking Medications Outside Ward, Then I'm Not Feeling Rich To Go Out At All, I Really Became A Useless Man With Schizophrenia and Nobody Confirmed My Health First Before Telling Me To Work, Life is Just About Thinking of Money and Stress About It. It's because I Plan to Celebrate On 100th and 120th Day, I Really Will End Up Taking A Photo of How I Look Like, They Seem Not Serious In Caring Me Because My Neighbours are Healthy When Take Medications I Think. Will I End Up Just Going Out Until Late Night Because They Maybe Will Keep Talking Topic I Hate? I wonder about my life. Jobclub seems long to respond about Cleaning Training, at least closing to December is my Luck. I Wonder What I Should Do, Why Would (S) want Me Anyway After 31 and 16/17 Years? I'm so Unlucky To Be Missing So Much Life Moments But Luckily She's Busy Working At Bank.
I'm Thinking If I Work As Soldier Since 38-41 Years Old Saving $50K, And It's The First Job That I Work For 6 Months Straight, My Family Don't Remember About This or Pretending Not To Remember, Then What Job I Will Be Working 3 Months Straight? If I Cant Get My Bank Statement I Can't Be Doing The Cleaning Training From Jobclub? Why They Pretend Not Knowing I've Been Spiked Like Maybe Doctors News To Them While I Was In I.M.H? It's Like Common Sense They Just Letting Me Feel Unlucky? I Exercise Daily In House And Even Walk Around, I Think All I Need Is Friends? But At This Age It's Too Late Everyone Maybe Married? I'm Just Too Late In Life, Last Time If Marrying Too Late People Worry of Baby as Sick, This Time My Case, Baby Sick if Marry Too Early, Weird Life.
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