Is the end really Close?

I Dua in my heart that the end is really close, if I type pray In my heart people could imagine Solat instead, I wonder how to be normal, writing English is nothing wrong I think, but just have to be like this.

The end for me I believe is: becoming a soldier and recover from schizophrenia - 38 years old is really close, it's just 7 months to go, I hope it really ends.

I think it was enough time for medication yesterday, I think 1 medicine lasts for 2 days maybe, my parents reach home after 12a.m, I got lucky still on streak of taking medications correctly, I really want to recover.

Yesterday my parents bought me tuna sandwich from subway, it was really delicious. I'm really happy have a different flavour appearance into my life. My dull life is like real - the imagination of 17 years no recovery and memory loss is sad, like the body mobility stuck, no money to search for soulmate, no enjoyment except from g.s.t package, my life is really bad. Soulmate is an important definition to me, I really believe everyone exist with Having someone ready as the correct judgement of Soulmate.

I don't know why it's taking too long for me, they did not help me search for my soulmate in a way that I can communicate daily for strength and confidence in my life. I'm just hoping for the best time of my life 1 day.

It's been so long, but no repeats of information that's knowledge from psychic or Wali Allah, life is boring like this - I really want to be energized by "Becoming a Soldier" Story. I really can't do anything in life, I just have to believe like "cleaning training" is good because it's jobclub that's from Doctor. It include training of cleaning if imagine working in office as Admin, maybe it's really easy then I hope.

I really hope the job is about computers - I really wish I can be like other people can work for 6 months straight and above in a company, I don't know why my strength is very limited, it's like controlled life too.

Schizophrenia made me hope that my life is not wasted like able to catch-up with other life plans if I'm really a foetus in tummy being projected videos, I don't know how people see 17 years as no waste except because my Soulmate is My Soulmate - untouched kind of people.

I really want my life to at least be normal strength, it's hard life surviving on ownself with schizophrenia, feeling worried if can become retarded from the heat, feeling worried if the body stuck being physical is believed as mental illness doesn't create physical movement(so it really doesn't - body stuck). I wonder how people that have recovered from schizophrenia not tell about this, that it's like Physical.

Just now I ate prata telur awhile downstairs, and the shop is noticed as closed multiple times nowadays, I wonder why it's like that.

Even if saving only 10cents if buy anything at the shop, if 10 days it's still $1, a tincan or if save up more days a small bottle or red bull even($1.10). Life to feel taste and flavours as something important to happen for at least some time a week or even daily. Too much of 1.5L is like something bad happens to throat, plain water is really good for health.

There's really 1 C.N.A News About Soldiers: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/watch/st40-41-exercise-wallaby-forward-support-group-pkg-5438456 It's on 1st November, I Wonder What is Volunteer Corps, but why it's Texas? Means there's really S.A.F Topic This Month(November). Wonder when is the recruitment.

I also have an idea: The ammunition government spent I think is a waste of money if create a recoil type like the same rifle impact would save a lot more money, electronic gun to imagine recoil and shooting a smaller shooting board(that's same like shooting 200m and 100m) kind of imagination.

If Singapore gives money other than G.S.T Package from Saving Ammunition for Training, it would be Fun and Happier Country maybe becoming 1 of Happiest Country in the World.

The Difficulty exist from Schizophrenia is Just Seen as A Mental Illness That's Nothing Physically Difficult, It's Weird, Maybe My Weight Gain Really Created Difficulty For Work? I must go back to 60kg or lower? I hope I can be like that.

The Symptom of Schizophrenia really have odd body movements, I think they really do something physical to Us Schizophrenics. I hope I.M.H Research Discover something about this? The weight in life is like controlling into tiredness to be a normal person, medication if can control it, it supports body movement too, maybe it causes the lots of energy if take medication as we don't feel tired from moving about(from schizophrenia) then normalizing our way of walking.