The Stop of i.r.c maybe decreased such chances but the boredom in kids and teens are felt greatly. Luckily my nephews and niece are smart enough to create own self not bored but it's lucky they have a fun parents too. We all understand life in many ways like how a mastermind can create us to be hated, like my i.r.c nick was ever used by someone else before even losing the passcode, people maybe have thought differently of me.
I truly decided not to get married if I can't get (S), it's like nothing kind of life if she's no more she need to make me hate her somehow, I will think of Akhirat if will see her again or not such things, she's so special in my eyes and heart, I really have no one coming for me and still don't know about if (R) still wishes to be mine.
What I worry about (R) is if mistaken as "Rahayu" the alphabet, it's really about someone else. She's one of most popular girls during primary school until she created her eyebrows people began losing interest in her, so (R) is really not "Rahayu".
Growth of others like having childrens makes me feel so left behind in life, it doesn't matter then I thought, like I still can become the best uncle in the world maybe, if I can get a job that's nice I will want to plan fun for my nephews and niece, if my health permits me somehow. I really can't be healthy even now, even after out of i.m.h, there's something else maybe creating my mind difficult. I know I will recover at 38 years old somehow because wanting doctor to be right, I will take medicines correctly too. I wonder what will happen to other schizophrenics why they don't recover yet too while I'm recovering said by doctor? I don't really remember which of my neighbours are schizophrenics but they are very understanding about schizophrenia I think.
I wonder how life can become nicer - I want to be a businessman before, since my mother asked me if I will live in Batam House alone, it feels like they have a Plan but they didn't tell me, I hope they want to create a Business but I wonder what business? Why does Batam People not use Portable Ashtray too because can throw down? Maybe it's something like this to create a Business and Batam to become cleaner like Singapore? I feel like living in Batam because of the Peace there is Quite Sudden and Different, my Data Available Also Increases Such Energy, I only want a Computer And Internet there if I have to live there if there's too many people.
I heard friends of Epul is 200 People that he will make to pass me money monthly and everytime, then he ever plan to go Johor with Me When R.T.S Link Opens. I wonder if he will really do such things then I will be in Batam or not.
They become in my mind due to saying wanting to give me money at 38 years old, if not maybe I don't really remember them but my 17 years of memory loss and feeling like 20 years old been few months, makes me still remember them anyway. I wonder what everyone have became at this age. Epul definitely looks active in Facebook, about his Lifestyle like a Gangster.
I really Don't know what to do when I am surviving, I'm just nice to everyone, I don't get bullied is the reason. The imagination of being alone that I survive N.S is from being Nice to people, including eating together, but I sometimes buy Roti Hotdog alone to eat with Sambal, 3 of it for $2. I miss such food in my life.
It's impossible to get a girl that maybe have never aroused other men, life is hard then to think of girls' experiences, I really feel like not getting married or no one wants to marry me, life like at loss of whom I can get to marry with perfection and peace as a Husband, I wonder how trust can be gained, I really want to be a Hacker to hack and spy Wife myself - but if a phone hacking I can only think of preyproject like I used to spy (A) then suddenly saw her Uncle beside her in front of laptop, I somehow started to become schizophrenic. Sounds and voices from schizophrenia really promoted the break-up but I believe doctors there's really nothing wrong and somehow trust (A). I spied her without her knowledge and didn't know her family is close to her until beside her when she's using laptop, I was definitely sad because of schizophrenia I heard it's called "Sakit Tenat" because fikir bukan-bukan, doctors being priority to trust and believe and causing me to write like this that I still believe in her.
I really have no one since then, I still somehow am puzzled how (A) and (W) can leave me without a problem or fast, I definitely impacted in their life that something really special, it's just too unbelievable that life had to be this way. I have nobody but still think of (S) in my mind forever like a lifetime in love since Kindergarten.
I just hope a recovery support plan somehow exist like eating k.f.c as family like my memories of life to happen of how family should be like, I really will become the best uncle in the world if I don't get married and my money to spend on them instead like "someone spend money for wife" if I got a job, I really feel helpless, life like a foetus being projected images/videos and it's better my niece and nephews benefit what I can be rich about 1 day.
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