Remembered Abit of Stuff

It's because of someone that believe about Black Magic, Kuih Bomb Plot was "let's try together" when actually he plotted to Poison me, then I think it's just Coincidence. I saw Babies and Changes of Features and It's My Nephew when I close my eyes, I wonder why it's like this. I pity how they don't feel of having an uncle like me all their life, their age since babies until now(grown big) no real communication between uncle and nephews just normal living. I'm supposed to be a very loving uncle then I considered as never really touched them during their baby age, I never gave them love I think.

Only if I work, I would've bought my nephews all drones, it's to be feeling different about life - kids usually play r.c cars then they will be drones, then if have pond I would buy r.c boats for them. I always worry how if they don't feel life truly. Like me I 20+ years maybe as secret fact about schizophrenia I don't really feel my life. People think I have been black magic since before my n.s days "then they join to plant black magic to me" planning to meet me when I'm 37 years old 18 June(before my birthday on 19) to give me a lot of money. 1 heard is $2K, 1 Heard As $7K, all "because of planted black magic to me" then it's 17 years long already - I wonder why my life like this. To survive I just say things like "is it u want me to be under you"(in a gang), "nobody really care maybe a gang leader" in Malay language, to maintain as understanding person because it's really everyone in my n.s.

1 believe she(R) "Mandrem" me, to protect me from harm, and wanted to give me $5K - money talk is like nothing to them, I imagine if they didn't lie, my house outside will be full of people passing me money 1 day "due to self-penalizing have black magic me" and don't want law to summon.

At that time I was also reading a lot about Islam, pahala Mujahid(highest) if marry a girl with a baby/or that's ever married, (R) have a Baby Boy and wanted to marry me, then I at that time didn't really care of my life like (S) is so hard to get and think of just settling down with Marrying anyone quite pretty to my eyes. Wonder what would've happened to me. But I remember Wali Allah saying if I marry (R) I will enter Prison for 2 Years because (R) takes drugs and someone told her off.

My memory of life is sad, like N.S don't really have friends, planning undercover to survive the "black magic plot" obviously tells evil intent from them then talk of "being under" then even chosen as "right hand man" if they merge(as to survive) gangs - "Alif and Black Pirate" Motorcycle Gang. I wonder what Wali Allah will say of their Gang name "Alif". It's really because of the plan of $7K and $2K, I'm a no-money man because of Schizophrenia.

I don't care if they read but it's because such amount is more like "caring me" as it's everybody in n.s that think they have black magic me, I still did not join them yet until to be decided at 38 years old. They really planned to give me a lot of money at that time, taking my identification card and address, and I think doctor was with me. They planned not to remember my address but come on that day giving money and goes without knowing where I live - a job to someone to hand me over money without knowing it's money inside it.

It's too long story to be a dream I think it's reality of their mind. The point is I was never bullied by them. Their selected leader is someone who claimed to be "A Black Magician" that will be Boss of 2 Gangs, selecting me as Right-Hand Man when I'm 38 years old that I just live along with the months of N.S To Go, I really have no friends. So I don't really know what to do and hope readers plan for me stuff. If not I would just live along getting money and survive like a Gangster Boss, means there are others who plan to give me people so I become a Gangster Boss and not A Gangster(that is under someone) because will experience 2 Years Prison. For all I know a Secret Society is 5.5 years Prison, means it's a kind of case by Story of Wali Allah. I definitely choosing a Safe Path in my Life. I will go undercover as it's maybe a lot of them, then I'm not a Police. I really can't do anything but write here since 38 years old is close.

If they merge it's definitely a lot of them. I hope someone or somebody speak to me on this if not I just be undercover, money is still important to me as my life having nothing and knowing I can't work, I really want to become a soldier and technology sector like stories of army recruitment like such, I really want to be a hacker. This is just too long to be a dream, I think it's real story that I don't remember well due to schizophrenia.