I really miss her and wonder if she uses laptop at midnight this hour, or on phone browsing, what's her daily life like, do I really know? When she's schizophrenia in future(she will fall sick), will she still work at Bank? I hope I can care for her by then.
It's been so many years, schizophrenia makes me absent from normal lifestyle, only thinking of (S) daily in my mind I wonder how can I be normal again ever since Kindergarten, I hope she's really good to me that she will contact me secretly before I turn 38, as the pain of schizophrenia if she loves me she doesn't really want me alone at all, but matter of becoming a mastermind druglord, maybe she made me alone due to such worry of psychic stories, I definitely won't become a mastermind, psychic always been right anyway, means it could really be 38 years old then I will meet her, why my happiness can't be 37 years old? Why she doesn't appear in my "whys"? Her answers is a soulmate's answer? Do I really know? Do I really believe this?
On 12.12 I really want to work at Shopee, but why only 1 day? It's such a cool company that I definitely love to work a lot more days, I really want to work until the psychic story of Soldier Job. I hope it extends into more days so I can earn. My life is really boring.
What happens if she contact me on Saturday and Sunday anyway, she's too occupied with niece maybe then will seem like she's lazy to answer me anything? I hope it's really something like this, I really don't want to be gone in her life, I really want to be her entire lifetime.
Is she really new to life with having a niece? Looks like it as her profile photo at GoodHood is a Baby's Photo I assume as her niece, means she's really new to this kind of lifestyle.
They are really special to me it made my heart feel that way, because it's her niece. I would ask her niece how can I get her as my Wife? Something like that, funny.
I can't like life feeling alone, I hope doctors really message me about her, I really feel loss and worry if she understands the pain of schizophrenia at the same time wanting her to understand me, schizophrenia exist a pain I guess from Catatonia's anger and jealousy and Anhedonia's sadness. I really don't want her to know the pain of Schizophrenia from feeling it.
Being alone when Schizophrenic is painful, then she have niece, she may lose trust at her family too because of Schizophrenia, I wonder when is it too, I know she will get it from psychic, I wonder how's her first day with it can I know first? Can I be the first to care? She just maybe need to eat ice cream to feel cooler temperature at her heart?
Even if it's about (S), (W) and (A) also will get schizophrenia from knowledge of psychic, I feel the same way of worry, like clumsiness stress, anger by normal accident like a creation of supernatural power, it's from Catatonia I think.
All 3 of them still yet to contact me then I can't know about Schizophrenia, will it be their first day of Schizophrenia when they decided to contact me?
I don't know how to be normal, I know ezlink as just something important without money, to be close to them during their schizophrenia, but first day wouldn't it be warded too or just medications? I worry about how they shower inside, like people can open anyhow easily? How is toilet of girls like? Men's toilet can open just by pulling there's no lock at all. Then if in Ward, I know My Ward 35A Can use Android, what about them? Will they be in a Ward that allows their usage of phones too? I hope they only go to Ward that allows usage of phone, I worry of who they may talk to, the way people walk and noises people create, they are nice girls to experience that is horrible.
They 3 seem confident about their life journey, like doctors hard to believe they will get schizophrenia, doctors really knows but they just don't contact me at all. Isn't being ready better? I hope their family buy them ice cream cups when they're inside, the heart will be hot during schizophrenia and the brain too, ice cream will cool them down.
How about their jobs? It will be Long M.C? I wonder if they really can cope like just taking medications outside without going in at all feeling the tightness of security and limited space to walk around, with time of waiting for food only as main thing inside. I wonder what voices they would hear, I guess only I would be the one believing them, their family would be hard to believe of schizophrenia can be hearing voices that don't exist to others. I'm definitely important role to care for them, if doctors believe it's because doctors are doctors/experts/understanding. I hope it's like a special situation that I am somehow a permitted visit even, I can't let them feeling alone like me, they are girls.
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