The Desire To Relax

Really Wanting To Relax A lot in Life, I Am Reminded I Can't Do Anything At This Age It Have To Be Flow Of Schedules And I'm Actually Helpless. I Want To Feel Calm, I Thought Of Meditating. I Really Wanted To Reach (S) But I Remembered I Have Reached Her Before In M.R.T Around 17 Years Ago Or Is It 16?

I Forgot About It Thinking I Never Let Know Of My Feelings At All For So Many Years. I Only Remember This Year Maybe.

Why Does Soulmate Let Me Endure So Long In Life? Why I Have Nobody(Lover) In Life That I Would Feel Grateful For Having? The Imagination of "Baby Sick Everytime if Have Baby" Made Me Eat Chicken Chop with Tomato Rice for the Coleslaw Vegetables, I Also Drank Peach Tea After That For The Healthy Fruit Juice, Taking Care Of "Baby" Before I Got Married. I Really Want A Normal Life, It's Amazing How Doctor Know All These First But I Have To Go Through Life Having Nobody Instead, I Still Can't Get A Normal Life.

Don't I Feel Like It's A Bullied Life If I Don't Get Money? How Other Schizophrenics Gets Money in Life If They Can't Work, Why Some Are Luckier Like Having Soulmate To Care? Why I Can't Have Someone To Care My Life. This Long Kind Of Pain Made Me Feel Like Not Wanting "The Girls That Knew" This, Except (S), A Busy Girl Working In Bank. The Girls Didn't Care About Me At All.

I Am Reminded and Worried of the Spike That Will Create Me Like A Dark Vision, Will I Be Okay Quitting Cig., How About My Plans of Portable Ashtray To Biz In Batam Too To Create Batam Cleaner Like Singapore? The Biz Definitely Will Be Something. There's A lot of Smokers In Batam.

Will I Be Fine Thinking I Will O-Level Next Year Then Actually Could Be In 2027 Instead? It's Finally The End Of Schizophrenia and I Can Know My Standard? Can I Prove To Be Intelligent? The Results Speaks Don't Really Count Because of Schizophrenia, Scores Dropped From Missing Classes. The Suffering Or Pain Is Real But Passing While Schizophrenia Still Makes Me Feel Smart, It's Been So Many Years And I Still Remember This. Schizophrenia Will Never Let Me Have My Life Smooth.

Why Does Viewer Becomes Only 2, Is It Doctor View And Printed For Others Then The Other Is (R)? I Really Don't Know What Happened About Saving Notes From Batam or Johor, It Was Done By Doctor Instead?

I really don't know what I can do in my life, it's hard to be independent and no money, I also remember like I ever got so much money before but my family limited the uses and kept it away from me, or it's a dream? I wonder the truth is hard to know if my family don't mind me in difficulty of having no money.

Why My Family Let Me Be With Living From G.S.T & Assurance Package Mainly, Like I Don't Go Out A lot Is Okay To Them Because I'm Schizophrenic? Aren't they treating me like a Mild Retardation Person if Just Having Nothing In Life? Why It's Not Like A Neglection Because I Don't Take Medicines At That Time? Now I Have And Close To 6 Months There's Still No Money Flowing To Me.