The Longest Suffer

About matter of love story, I feel i'm let to suffer, it's like the help I wish for doesn't happen, it's like prioritizing what they want to help, even if it's medication first, I have ever survived having girlfriend before, then due to difficulty it became hard for girls, my mother keeps talking about job not knowing my stress about it too, it's common sense but she talks about it.

I don't know if "not to have money so don't get girls to marry other than we love" is in my parents' mind thats why I endure a poor life experience. Why am I giving up early in their imagination? It's really too long like Soulmate mind to pretend it doesn't exist and just be marrying someone else?

What should I enjoy about so I get money? Arcade? Jollibee? KFC? McDonald? Im not allowed to save in my bank.

They don't see that my suffering as real? Example of people with Schizophrenia got married so the care and love to be believed as true and real understanding about it? This method of life really stuck me from getting life. The only way is their way they want me to believe it as good and nice, painless are then good and nice.

It's like making me childish, I think it's stupid to create pain, or to believe it is physically something else? There's really other pain than schizophrenia maybe because the pain is real "body lock" from smoothness to move in our ways? Would call own self insane if don't smoke a lot more? It is like a feeling of boredom and dullness that's too much then will doctor help me?

Their common sense is same like mine but they command or repeat to do it - zikir and solat, it is not matter about believing? I think it's really not ending my way or wish at all.

Even Palestine gets their lover, then me i can't even get my soulmate, it's like a version of Palestine and Israel there's something disturbing my life and matter of Love instead, if Them is about War.

Why people talk of babies before they exist? Why they don't believe I won't create babies because worried of "baby sick everytime if have it", means my life with soulmate will be different like going to eat, feeling the wind at beach walk at night even, why can't I just feel my life? Who will I waste money on if I have money?

Movies makes me boring because of Anhedonia it's better by mood At Home if the Anhedonia decreases to quickly watch a Movie? But sometimes during Movie can occur the Anhedonia too, or it's actually the Movie becomes boring or "suddenly fail"?