Don't Know Why It Happens

I Can't Stop That I Had To Write To Feel Good, The Memories By Voices is Too Strong I Somehow in a Daze To Write It Down, The Voices of Small Girl. I Don't Know Why In Life I Have To Experience This, Would I Be Healthier if I Never Met Her In My Life? Everyone Able To Work Normally Except Me. In A lot of Heart Heat, "Maybe Due to Patience" As The Effect of Being Patient is The Heart Feeling Like A Burn.

I Don't Understand What My Mother Meant In The Past Like "Ade Setan Dalam Badan", It's Like 2 Souls In 1 Body Then Doesn't It Mean If Touch A Wife, A Setan is Touching Also Because Of Ownself? Why is she like that Anyway? There's no Setan inside my Body. Then if the Small Girl Repeat It and I Hear It By Memories? My Mother Keeps Giving Advantage To My Enemy in Life By Not Being Supportive Due to the Pain I Get Is Understandable From Catatonia, How Can She "Not Know" About It, She's Just Making Up A Reason To Not Be Helpful To Me Instead.

At 70 Years Old, Her Time in Life Actually Gets Lesser To Spend With Me Yet She Likes To Waste On Being Angry, It's Like Something Else I Do Is Painful to Me But She Don't Care or Not Know About It. I Really Can't Do Anything About It Too.

I Think She Should Go Shopping Centres Alot More To See The World But She Goes To Kampung Jawa Even Further Hahaha. They Have Became More Savvy In Life Like Buying From Jollibee while It Was My First/Second Time Ordering From McDonald At That Time Using The Order Machine(That The Payment By Cash), I Really Can't Do Anything My Life Gone So Much, I Used To Order There Using NETS I Think. It's Really Different Life I Had To Feel Lost, Maybe It's Actually the Same Just First Time Using Cash? Why It's Like That My Life Then I Wrote It Down, Is It From Talks Of The Same Small Girl Again?

The Voices By Memories is Too Loud and Exist, I Just Had To Live Feeling Like This Then I Wonder How To Work Too. I Remember It Causes Real Feelings For A Break-Up, Means What She Said is Bad For My Life And Can Create Me Loss of Energy To Work as She Desire That I Am Like A Handicap Or Retarded Person I Think So Easily Create Difficulty To My Own Life.

Weird I Wrote Like These Like I'm 20+ Years Old, My Age Does It Reflect Like I'm A Retarded Man Because of Writing Too Much? Isn't Writing A Part of Health-Ways?

I Feel Like My Family Did Not Pity My Difficulties At All, When Letting My Mother Talk of Work Like That, To Assume The Pattern To Be Like That By Others As Well. I'm Definitely Dead Having To Listen To All That In My Anticipations Too, The Heartbeat Became Not Nice At All The Heart Really Burns Because Ease By Giving Money is Not Done But Something That Sounds Like I Am So Strong In Life.

I Don't Know What Else Will Happen in My Life But People Like Psychic and Wali Allah's Family Like Can Know Stuff I Imagine Why Are They Strict Into Not Telling Me Things That I Can Feel Stronger About, "Character Build-Up" As 1 of Reason To Not Become Into a Worse Person. Why Easily Ask Me About Job When Knowing If I Can Work Or Not? It's Unfair My Mother Don't Know But She Question About It or Even Suggest a Type of Work or Compare Me With Someone Else. They Have No Schizophrenia, Catatonia and Anhedonia So They Can't Be Feeling Like Me, Of Course They Are Healthier in Life To Work.

Tomorrow Maybe Jobclub Will Contact Me and I Remember It's Like A Lazy Day To I.M.H Again, Just For An Injection and Go Home.