Feel so old, memories that came back again

I really hope life can be easier, it's really hard to think about my life daily like this, I really feel like working any dishwasher job even, I'm different like needing cig. as priority, then my mother not understanding to support me quitting it too, spectacles look tempted to buy too as I'm using a glued spectacle as it broke, I remember it broke on the day my mother went to Johor and I have no medicine, doctor ever said if not on medicine will break item easily, it's weird too my father didn't offer to buy me spectacle too.

I don't know what created the strictness, I remembered about woodlands friends they're gone so long in life and only doctors maybe can get them back in my life as doctors are psychic.

Everyday my daily life doesn't change, I wonder why people can be so healthy while me like this they still strict on me not like I am schizophrenic like lightness to give me support. Only my brother ever gave me money and it was month of October I think. November I didn't get anything and December is ending too. I don't know why it's like that my life.

When I have money I didn't become a mastermind anyway, I wonder that's the only reason keeping them away from giving me money, I just slacking in my room now hoping the mood to play games appear, something like an everytime thing, so the time passes by quickly, my life is too boring.

I remembered that Naim considered me as his real younger brother and ever planned to buy me ROG Ally X, I wonder the truthfulness of it too, or is it a dream even as suddenly he will become like that to me, it's like story of doctors giving me money and my aunt too, my other aunt about Nintendo Switch too, but I remember R4 Card was ever said by doctor to my aunt, then I think it's not a dream but reality. I wonder when's such thing, everything maybe still new in 2025 December then I'm already feeling the fun by imagining the future as having games. I wonder why none of them contacted me yet though, it's like a daily-thinking of "will I be okay in life"?

I hope my life becomes sweeter faster than 6 months, this is too difficult the weight to think of "if I will get G.S.T Package" in February.

Life really having just around $200 left now, to last until end of January, will I be successful about it? Definitely it will be hard but why my parents still won't support me with money? Don't they know that life is actually difficult enough for me and I have schizophrenia making it harder to live like a normal person?

It's hard in a way I would imagining myself suddenly quitting smoking, then the pressure of daily life was felt just now the vibration in my head, I feel the spike still exist without anyone able to help me about it. I wonder why I can't summon the spiker as did this to me multiple times yearly?

I think of (S) now, like what's taking her so long to contact me and make my wish granted? Why did she make herself more difficult to contact is it because of her tunang? Isn't this the age she should be married already but then she's still "like blocking me"? I don't like how I just love someone then somehow the feelings stay in my heart then I can't get in touch with her, it's so heavy but then people not caring about it and letting me live like this like didn't try to cheer me up by bringing me to enjoyable places instead.

I just have to wait for January to see if it's real that I'm getting money from doctors? And 6 mths of medication to see if my aunt really will give me $500? I really hope what I hear(it's like a replay in my memory) back is true, will they even remember if it's been 1 year or will they forget about it?