My Dark Vision Still Around

It's weird I walk at soft places(carpet) and only in my room still happen like dark vision, I shouldn't walk around much was my self-promise that didn't happen, maybe tomorrow will try again, I really feel anxious(I think it's this word) feels like walking around alot everytime. I feel like taking lorazepam tonight maybe it helps the catatonia feelings because I read it's for that but doctor say only if needed so I guess like it's not important maybe.

I drank the 1.5L really fast - the cold water and now I feel blurry because maybe stress about money. I keep hearing "182 days" I will get money, I still calculate 183 as 6 months, I really hope my aunt remembers. I really don't know if really getting money or not at all.

I hate this dark vision feelings, it's like a neverending pain "unless sleep", I wonder how I can work like this if I feel like rushes to walk then dark vision. It's like a lot of black stuff in front of my eyes, like added % of darkness when I look around, I then will keep seeing my father usually(in my vision). Maybe this is the spike feelings it's still alive in my body?

I'm really feeling happy like it's ending because 182 days said by my aunt that she will give me money, I hope the pain and stress truly ends, I'm just unstable because of this dark vision thing. I really take my medications for this long month is also surprising how I'm actually doing it, I really hope doctor will change my medication from injection into eating-type, then I have no more worry about injections type of pain for work. I think the eating-type is the cheaper medicine?

It's really exciting when I think of getting money, I still feel like buying the Sprocket to create Sketchbook photos of my success in eating medications for 6 months, if I really get money I will try celebrate on the 6th month of it? I really want to spend my Data, I have so much every month I really want to feel rich in using up the Data of my Simba Line. I really feel like going my old hangout places.

I'm sitting normally now to try get my vision stable from the darkness that appear, and I see black images of my father like a photo film in front of me of him, it's weird this could be why I thought my father is the fake family when I'm schizophrenic, and I thought power exist when grow up like "can be seeing from distance", I thought my father really looking at me sometimes. I feel more stable when I use the android sitting normally, I guess it will happen again when I walk again, I'm really wanting cold water so much right now then the refrigerator haven't made it cold yet.

I now have $200 left in my wallet and I'm surviving but I remembered my aunt about giving me money from the voice-replay of memories, I just bought prata cheese egg just now. It's really hard to survive with Assurance Package money, I think it's impossible I can be strong like this.

Then I think of next month, when is my brother talking to me about taking License? Like he forgotten about it too, next month is next year, it's weird at 38 years old in June, then if I have small lorry by 39, isn't it actually supposed to be 1 year of having car license first? Is it actually 6 months? Then I remember I will be busy learning Iqra while Soldier Job, then how come I maybe work at Popeyes and meet the next lover of mine that wishes her name to not be written at blog? Then will meet (S), at the same place - Popeyes, by stories of Doctors, why it's Soldier Job during moment of Iqra, then work at Popeyes when I learn Iqra like clashes? Once I got a Job as Soldier or Popeyes I want to pay for motorcycle license myself I think, I hope I get to do this, my niece's boyfriend have motorcycle license and my family don't mind it means I can take motorcycle license too.