Few Days Until 6 Mths Medications

I'm happy I hope I recover a lot of my memories in life, I really want to recover from schizophrenia as it's been with me for so many years. Just thinking of making my post very long each time and I will write the days of medications done and Simba Data usage I've used.

I'm at Day 133 of outside ward on medications, and +48 = 181 days on medications.

My phone data usage is only 75.99MB/400GB. I really should see the places outside I've been in my house maybe for 17 years long.

Just now when I was drinking like Aircon water droplets from top then I wonder if I drank Aircon water. Then just now when I was smoking under block, the spikes feelings lives back and pleasures me I wonder how to remove it completely, doctors maybe have no idea too as the medication is the key to decrease of voice and heat, I think doctor ever said it's the medications for this too.

Today is Thursday, my parents puasa every Monday and Thursday, my jobclub next month is going to be on Mondays and Thursdays too, I really hope I will do well in Jobclub and also receive my Anbernic RG477V from Doctor(haha), I feel like doctor last year told me about a doctor will buy me this Device.

I hope tomorrow my aunt message me to tell me that I will receive money from her, or she forgotten about it? I'm really finishing my money only having $200 left in my wallet, it's scary kind of living life with only like that and knowing money going to finish on cigarettes.

Just now I dream of "Singapore energy" the pledge of country definitions into actions of togetherness as Singaporeans. It's weird dream, and also I hear about "this is my country, this is my flag, this is my future, these are my friends" this song in my dream, I wonder why the Singapore energy suddenly inside my dream. I now reminded of (S) primary school days in school singing National Day Songs. Wow. I really miss (S) a lot and she have grown into a 36 years old lady. My life will definitely be different without her as I kept thinking of her my entire days and nights all my life. I wonder why it's so long this feelings have to be this way, I really don't know how to comfort myself.

I really feel I should spend time with (S) as we are getting older and what if any of us dies and then we can't communicate with each other anymore? Why didn't (S) think this way about me? Is it doctors telling (S) I won't die yet? I really feel she grown up to become somebody of a nice status(Banker) is very different moment that I can't feel her days when she was primary and secondary school, I really wanting to become her friend then I feel it's like a retard or insane people wishing for a friend. I really hope she becomes with me in future somehow that's just like not happening too. I feel like actually I won't work at Popeyes, but actually Soldier Job because I believe Wali Allah saying I would be learning Iqra and Soldier Job, then I start learning Iqra next month, it's only 6 days to go. Maybe actually within 6 days Soldier Jobs would appear into my life?

I just miss (S) and blog seems like impossible to get her, I ever got only 13 readers about my post topic as "Unbelievable", means (S) is 1 of reader and there's no late readers, means she's 1 of my Facebook browser? I really hope so. I really want her to know me. She definitely hard to get in touch with. I read 1 psychological fact that "if a girl ignores = mad at you". I wonder what she will be angry with me about, but if secretly watches me it feels nice at least I still feel have a chance because of she knowing I love her still.