Thinking it's 1 week+ go, I imagine it's going to be more than 10 days that I don't smoke, then going to Jobclub, I hope it will be okay, I know i will crave like badly at the 9th day onwards, it's always like that, at 20th day it's like a sickness still, I really need to remember to drink a lot of cold water, I really feel like the schizophrenic happens when I don't smoke too, it's like thinking of (S) and me will have 6 psychic babies in future, something like this, I wonder why I remember such matter, we haven't even spoken to each other like in a relationship at all, why doctor tell me such thing is like doctor said that she will have a son that is Wali Allah if with "Iman" the monkey face. Being with me will definitely be more babies. I remember my understanding of "soulmate" is different, I feel she's my soulmate, while some believe soulmate is only "after marriage", I felt like wanting to be with "Iman"'s soulmate to be fair, to try ask psychics if I want to steady with her, it's harsh how seeing someone that I believe as my soulmate "with other man". It's bad kind of experience. Even worse if she say it's delusional, then if the matter of "soulmate" exist since baby been right? Then if we are truly soulmate? Just my imagination but she have to be like this, sad for me.
It's like nothing to her it seems this many years are truly nothing to her, there's no chances for me by her way of responding, she limited her Facebook profile that I can't view her life anymore, she really decided like that because of me, I'm the main reason she became so strict. Even her Instagram became limited. I really have no way to contact her at all as she maybe never use Facebook anymore sadly. How can I impact nothing to her or she ever-reacted like this to me? My soulmate reacted nothing to me? My soulmate reacted blocking to me? Why is it like that? Is it I just have to lie I think I'm delusional?
How can I tell everyone to give up on her and just let me live life by giving me money? It's a wasted effort I guess? She's no reaction for me at all. I really want to live my life it's been so long, I really want Nintendo Switch, Anbernic RG477V etc. like Steam Deck even. I really just want to live my life without her anymore, I can't be strong if I kept thinking of her, she don't care I'm like weak everyday thinking of her. I feel it's stupid to treat a soulmate this way, and she's really just giving me the idea that she's getting married as fact, then I don't know what happened, why is she like this to my life? No one that knows me news to me "she's not married yet" etc. as I assume "if not married is my soulmate" as she's too beautiful. I want to give up already and live my life, but nobody is helping me with money.
I want people to remind me if it's a dream or not that I ever gotten so much money, why is my life like this created to become difficult? They're just making me wait until 38 years old then I get money?
No comments:
Post a Comment