1 of the Chilli Tuna is called "Saba Chilli" I wonder why will the taste be fine, I'm mixing with barbeque chicken or not?
Today is like a special day anyway because it's 123rd Day of medication outside ward, +48 will be = 171 Days on medications. I'm definitely remembering stuff, mostly about the small girl and luckily I remembered meeting (S) in M.R.T, I'm just so happy it's like that I actually first time telling someone first that I love her.
I only have 12 more days left to be half year done, I wonder what else I would remember, will it be strengthening me mentally and physically?
The number of days I've been on medication calculated daily like this on my Notes Application, as I wanted to write a journal or like a diary then I change plans and write a blog instead, I truly want to recover and I'm thinking of how to kick off smoking habit, I can definitely save a lot of money if I'm successful this time. It's going to be another try after this hopefully I can do well.
I really miss my younger days unable to live life the way I wanted, because 17 years just gone like that because of small girl, I know she just wanted to get rid of me as a witness to her liking of bullying a toddler, so she wanted me schizophrenic anyway so I am hard to believe if tell anyone I think it's just like that.
In the past until now, I really want to own a web hosting company, then I will register back bottles-uncapped.com once I got a proper job and make this blog as that domain instead, I definitely love WordPress but I think of just staying here as I have a lot of memories already. wwfg.com.sg will also be bought by me 1 day because I want to make the ghost hunting exploration adventure group, I wonder if doctors will really join me in ghost hunting. I really want to buy a small lorry and have driving license for it, so my nephews can enjoy adventure at back of my small lorry. I really want their life not wasted like me - 17 years is a teenager duration of years that I wasted, I did not enjoy 20-37 years and it's just gone just like that due to the small girl. I don't know what can make me recover but I think she's giving penalty money 1 day instead - she will tell why she do that hopefully and I think it will match my story, she just want me to be believed as insane and nobody believe of her pleasure in bullying toddler(Dina at that time).
I'm excited to learn Iqra 1 day by myself I hope I really can memorize all by June next year, then I'm 38 years old like having completed everything needed like my mother knows to read Arabic but don't understand Arab language. It will be sufficient that I can read Al-Quran if I truly can't get (S) means I will not get my peace and Al-Quran is the only thing left to try for peace of heart and mind.
I don't know why I stopped trying to Solat I just think it's not worth it, I can't do it because of catatonia, I'm definitely needing a way about it as I'm already 37 years old and still do not Solat(anymore), I used to Solat during my C.o.C Special Limit School but then schizophrenia still got me into a bad condition in life, my mother had to pay $5000 of bond money and I wasted my life just like that but even if doctor say will get back money, it's still a bad feeling and it's been over 10 years already.
Today hopefully I will be stress-free and happier because of the food I have, the Saba Chilli Tuna doesn't really look nice colour but I still will eat it until finish hahaha. I hope it's satisfying day today.
I really hope money comes in February if not January, then I still can survive until I got a job, I really don't like thinking of money at all, my parents don't give me Hari Raya money even, it's really bad life different than other families, I really have nothing in my life, they can't support me somehow but doctors don't support me either to tell them to give me money, it's just bad at this age to talk of money when actually people after N.S are already in a job earning to buy a house but I haven't become like that.
This coming Ramadhan is the time I think I would try to enjoy myself again like the past, I will try to puasa again as I usually no longer puasa because of schizophrenia, I maybe actually no need to puasa or solat because of schizophrenia I now think like that. I don't know if it will be shocking people but my life with schizophrenia really bad health. I pick items that's expensive or special like a karang guni but my parents threw everything away I think, sad how they did that to me didn't let me clear things myself. I remembered have a lot of beer bottles in my room and it was planned to make a spinning-cap glued bottle from 1.5L I was thinking of making money like that, hahaha. I thought the world is in a war, a world war 3. I thought japanese war haven't ended yet and I'm a soldier remember?
I really lost my energy when after all that right now I'm thinking, my family still doesn't give me money.
How can I spend time with (S) then if I can't work and don't have money? Money is important but (S) ever said about saving and not wasting time to go her workplace to eat with her too, sadly it's like that in m.r.t or it was the smallgirl's mouth? She really got to keep-up being around in my life plans and goals, I feel I can't achieve anything. I hope Jobclub really heals me. Nobody is reminding me about my 38 years old recovery except myself, they don't seem excited at all that I keep up taking my medications.
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