Meaningless Life

Boring my wild sister became a mosque person and told me to solat multiple times like I have no common sense, don't know what she trying to show my parents like she was ever a good kid. Definitely worse than me somehow, but just have to be my sister.

I left my family group on WhatsApp because it's meaningless as no one to chat with anymore if my brother or father I can just message myself. They all will get schizophrenia anyway, then I think my sister will understand only later in life. I became understanding Whatsapp have blocking so I just block all 3 of them: 1st sister 2nd sister and Dina as they maybe will talk about Solat again.

I definitely maybe will spend again to make myself happier, but my life is definitely already ruined as I am hard to get money. My cream MIG T-shirt have stain of chilli sauce that washing machine didn't remove it, then it's sad I spent $8+ on it, even such amount is something for someone in my situation.

People decided to not be nice to me but just "pendapat" of niceness, I guess I will block whoever the same. It's like not needed conversation in the first place. It's bad if my heart feels worse, I feel unhealthy when they speak common sense.

Like unlucky to have my sister as my sister anyway, if think of perfection, my family is definitely messed up and I should think for myself what will happen to me, everyone is messed up, I have tattoos anyway I ever felt like completing it anyway, I definitely don't feel like removing it anymore because they like to talk common sense. Jobs been hard for me anyway, means: it's not because of tattoos that job is hard, (S) been hard to get anyway to keep dreaming she's mine like a waste of my time, I definitely can't get her, instead of RG477V maybe I will just add more tattoos 1 day, if jobs been hard it's okay if tattoos makes it hard, but if jobs was easy, I wouldn't make myself harder by having tattoos. I feel life just have to be like this because people choose to be such way.

I think of just giving up on (S) now. Just dreamy life anyway, it feels like nothing like everything is a dream many times, I can't get the reality is this painful for a human to go through but I have to live through this. 1 day I will have money to buy own house and live by myself - without my family, (S) or anyone that never hanged on to me. I think I will somehow recover and grow up from this pain in future because I take medications already.