I think of buying food later, but only voices made me dare to spend so much, I really am nothing without a job, it's weird it have to be like this, my family don't pity me at all, I really hate talking about money too.
I'm really thinking about how if I can get good dream meaning again, doctor didn't give me a dream definition book like he ever promised last year, I then feel it's like a dream again, why is it like this? Why I heard such promises then? It's boring this life I really trying hard to be happy and make myself happy.
Why it's okay to lose my Nokia $200+ android phone anyway from my family clearing the room? I wonder what they're doing about it not minding loss of items like that, it's really boring the phone's view is really clear and nice for eyes, it's calming texture too. But I think they regard it as nothing as I will assume they are giving me money 1 day, I wonder why they don't tell the dates too, like I'm made to feel "it", there's nothing wrong with being more helpful to me, if they spend on Batam tickets as expensive, why if I don't go I can't get the amount as Batam ticket to save for me? Why is it like that? They really think what I feel is nothing painful?
I'm still rested at sofa like a handicap person, I can't work, I think of daily activities as the same thing everytime, peace of doctors I really want to achieve the same, I really think of Solat too, then maybe I just have to skip understanding about Doa Iftitah maybe then just Solat, but my strength only happens sometimes, it's sometimes weird pain that I know I can't do it, schizophrenia is odd but I know it won't feel good, Solat supposed to be feeling nice and peaceful as stories of people but I guess the spike won my body feelings as fact. There's no one that can help me about it, except the medication as the only support about it. Just too bad for me I guess that my life is like this.
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