Morning I go to shop, to feel stabilized by redbull.
Today is Day 137 out of ward on medications and +48 = 185 days on medications = 6 mths+ already. It's fun to be successful on medications, my road to recovery is about 6 more months to go. My data is 133mb/400gb and still like half month done, then it will expire. I'm barely surviving maybe like $170 left and I really don't know if I will be supported somewhere in January hopefully. I hope I don't suffer in January.
This morning my mother gave me Dunkin Donuts' Tuna Bread, I think she bought when she's in Malaysia, then I ate the "Mood Support Pill" early morning today, hopefully it fixes me and strengthen me today. My meeting with doctor is at 4p.m today, and I'm changing medicine hopefully I won't be warded. My jobclub is in 1 week and it's the start of something new in my life, my road to a working life, hopefully at Popeyes.
The lightness yesterday, then I don't feel doctors or anyone that's telling my family really reads, then I really wonder what's their plan or I'm just in a rush still having $170 left, the panic feeling is real it's like that, I know I think if I can make it 3 days 1 box of cig. buying the $13.90 one, I can $170-$139= $31 left in January, but I want to buy drinks and I have plans to care my future babies with nice food. Today I ate Tuna Bread with Cabbage, I think my future babies will be healthy. Today I dream of Chicken Chop I think, I then imagine my future babies asking for it too, as they are psychics, said by doctor, I really wonder about a baby, is it they chose their mother? All guys with sperm already have baby then just need a mother for their feature of face to exist, having their father's features since sperm days, I really hope I become a grandfather 1 day. I don't know what I did but doctor told me I'm the best uncle and cousin in the world, I'm really happy if I have money I can become someone useful and more capable of taking care of myself and others.
Maybe it's matter of the heart that I'm the best, like people can't judge me as I'm schizophrenic and I'm not capable of showing I care at all, because I'm in pain myself, I truly believe doctor when I wear Profector Pants yesterday, that he is psychic, then I still didn't get money too, then I wonder if I will suffer again this morning, it's already too late at night to get any money, I will just have to survive with my calculation or I will ask my mother if 6mths taking medications I can get money anyway to support me? Life's hard I have to believe it's 1 year of medication before they give me any money. But the nice thing is I still will get RG477V by 6 mths too, at least if I buy ownself its like that. I really remember doctor saying they will start being normal and nice to me once it's 6mths on medications, but maybe they calculated on the date as 29th of each month as I entered ward on 29 June.
I really feel like I can do well this March at least maybe I would be working by then by Jobclub, 2 months to wait is really long. I wonder why Rasullullah(s.a.w)'s family is not the best ranking of uncle and cousin but I believe doctor is right like they knew my number is 80244202 since long time ago. I really don't know what I did to be the best cousin. It's really special, since my family is a world ranking of best, actually I think my family is great then I only have to wonder why they not giving me any money.
I heard by doctor I'm being spied and they worry if I buy drugs, then I definitely won't become a mastermind and wanting to recover why would I buy drugs then, it's really harsh to make me wait so long.
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