I got kinda happy and desperate I displayed my phone number to be communicated on Plato, hopefully (S) appears as the story of psychic is that she will really appear at Plato, it was in M.R.T this story when I met her accidentally.
My old plans like going to City Hall to happen again, but this time just normal walking around but I'm alone I have no friends - to explore the world what been blocked from me it's like I've been inside a cave for so long only with Mobile Legends and P.U.B.G, 2 games I havent played for quite a long time.
Since August my number was displayed on blog and around October on Facebook, no one contacted me yet, but bunch of wrong numbers keep miss-calling me from Malaysia, Indonesia I think. It's weird how my life from Woodlands knowing Razli then suddenly we became split ways and he with Sadiq and me with Din, it's maybe actually because of my schizophrenia that I have no friends keep hearing voices. Nurse said that the medicine decrease the voices and heat in body, I really remembered I haven't recovered when in August I still do not remember my family, I feel like they're just posers-as-family even if I take medications, I really thought have face-wearers pretending as my mother and father, I even thought I'm a baby in stomache understanding from projected image into stomache, I feel like a dream, it's like schizophrenia is actually some mild insanity. I don't know why it's like this.
Due to a post about PSX Revive, PS Vita looks special to me, a company sells 4000 Games of PS Vita along with it and it looks tempting to get too but I know RG477V is still the best to have.
I plan of normal work in life, that I hope I maintained of doing it properly just to become a stable man, I'm still like new to life as I'm left out for so many years of so many things.
I remember small girl planned that I get braces and tryouts ordering stuff at McDonald's but somehow she understand schizophrenia "loss of experience" when she said like that, I wonder if she was real or pretending to be nice. Means she knew I would be left out from life for 17 years from doctor many years ago, means it's a fixation of recovery at 38 years old known since long time ago.
I really hope I do get a job faster at Popeyes and have friends that understands schizophrenia, people really left me alone with schizophrenia and doctors didn't tell me why, it's like "due to its been over 17 years, they're not really my true friends", friends actually should still communicate somehow because would plan for children to get married and would want a partner-potential I think, or is it that everyone became family-only once they're 25 years old onwards? Nobody else became important in life.
Then now I'm waiting for the entire January to be on cleaning-training, I have 1 week+ left until end of December that I hope soldier job really pops-up somewhere and I earn money first. I also at loss why the schizophrenia buccal swab didn't call for me for "I.M.H Research for Schizophrenia", to get the $100 for sharing my D.N.A. It only happened once, total of $150 only. I was excited that it's research for schizophrenia and really wanted a kind of smallest voltage to connect mind of schizophrenia to get the recovery through voltage in body. Our mind just need to remember if not we believe what the liar planned for us to feel in life but the sad thing we truly feel it as "reality of life", and got to experience true heartache and true sadness from it, that it's like meant to create suicide from depression, means the attacker actually wanted to kill us or not? The sadness was real because we believed it actually happened for real. We became loss of what Islam is about, then feel it's like Nabi Nuh's story where he lost his Mother, then Muslim maybe just about Niceness and Syahadah, I truly became like "I lost my family because of evil"? It's so long 17 years and I thought I was playing-along that they are my family members.
Doctors have no way that I would recover faster but I remember it's worth it in my opinion, I know they can somehow decrease the pain when being around me, but I'm focused to be getting (S) and her health to be maintained better than me because I thought I knew her and she lovesick of me too, it was delusion maybe created by small girl saying she knows everything about me. I thought she knows everything about my pain and experience lovesick like me but then when she tunang with "Iman" I feel the world as over, I lost my favourite love and i grew to hate my family(and thinking they're not mine) for not getting her for me for a long time. I truly have no one until today they just chose to be treating me this way, in alot of cluelessness, I just kept losing memory to ignore my real mother for not helping me too. I feel I should just throw the desire of getting (S) and become enemies since nobody helps. Even now I feel doctors should start helping me already and stop helping her as the power of healing really exist, I believe they're effort really removes the unknown pain from their psychic power. I don't know why or is it a hypnosis even, does hypnosis even exist?
My plan is hard: Work, RG477V sometime next year, then maintain like this, then it's normal life coming back for me. I don't know why they(family) let me in difficulty of thinking of a girl for so long since kindergarten days, I feel they pretend not knowing about it instead. It's really harsh even after (S) knew from the small girl I wanted to marry her, she really tunang with "Iman", a monkeyface man, I really goaling for her to get married and have a Wali Allah son with "Iman" because I don't know why I love her so much. Doctors ever said she will become a Witch if she do that, and her nose will become smaller if she marries me, it's somehow like that. It's hard but (S) really won't help me at all, I don't know why I have to effort to get her if she's my soulmate, this don't feel nice at all.
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