Friday, December 26, 2025

Wondering my future

It's 10 more days still until Jobclub, life feels boring like usual, doctors ever said of opening my shoes brand label but I have opened myself, so I became unsure if he will support me or not, on the 29th is the day I will be meeting doctor, then I'm already writing like this, but doctor maybe will pretend not to read anyway.

Wow 27th is my 6th month on medications, the pain is really ending then I just have to endure until 1 year to get money from my family, they ever said 1 year then get money, I really hope it's true.

The boredom is hard to live daily with it like this, tomorrow is weekend for (S), she's definitely busy as usual I wonder how her life is like still, bulan puasa is close then I will be with her same moment waiting for food for buka puasa, wow, why didn't she even pity I feel this way, even if I think of (W) and (A) too, doing the same, she's been on my mind since kids days, it's so long she have to express as feeling nothing is bad 😞.

I feel like my mind's messed up, I really don't feel good as time still pass daily just drinking cold water and walking around, but I'm happy it's 5pm+ already, the day is ending and sleep is soon, I truly have nothing to do and doctor didn't support me about this, like thinking of something for me to do in life. My writing is the only solution I can ever think of. I really want to go fishing. What if I copy martial art moves on YouTube and train myself? I will feel clumsy? Hahaha. I'm trying to make myself happy everyday.

I really wonder how come my maximum reader can be over 30+ people then sometimes it just drop to less than 10 as usual, what are people actually doing? Why am I monitored like this anyway?

Just now I bought prata cheese egg, and eat the more tastier one at foodstall downstairs, it's tastier but not as much as Al-Ameen's.

Nobody is giving me tips of what to do in life despite being reader of my blog, doctors and Wali Allah knew what I would be doing, as I imagine "zikir" as nasihat for me to do, I really do it when I feel nice to do it, I feel like a kid even at this age writing and asking for attention that supports my life experiences.

Tomorrow definitely no news of receiving money as my mother is not around, she is going to Selangor, she just went out just now. I really can't estimate if I will really be getting money or not, because the stories don't match, doctor said he will takeout the brand label at my shoes but I took them out myself already.

I even can hear the same thing I write, like I am writing twice or have written this before in the past, it's weird I really think I haven't because the shoes like I bought it the 2nd time, the first time I threw it away because in shame of the brand written "Bu Bu Niu" so I removed it just now, it's better and definitely people will buy if I resell it if takeout the brand. It costs $23+ but have stupid writing at there.

I wonder what else to write, I just need to feel good writing something, and I am assuming doctor really have attention about my blog, then 29 December he pretending never read maybe. What about me been spiked and quitting cig., cant it be calculated a different way? I really feel hot sometimes it really helps, the coldness.

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