2 more days Jobclub 5/8

Happy the ending is starting, 5th out of 8 times is still 3rd week of this month, even if it's 2 times a week, the feeling is happiness. I really feel the end is close and hope I will be stable like this, everytime I wish to not be a smoker and I haven't stabilized about it, I really don't know how to handle this myself, it's like I just have to quit then that's it, but the crave and instability exist I don't know why it's me my family or relative most focused on to quit smoking, other than about doctor that said "baby will be sick" if I smoke, but then doctor also said "chicken chop tomato rice" is the cause of healthy future baby that I may have. I really think it is enough to stabilize with food. I also plan to create franchise of the company for making my future babies healthy - "YES! Tomato" is the company name. I really want to have nice memories of my future family.

Today is Day 156 of out of ward on medications and total of 204 days on medications. I really blog daily for this happiness to be written. Yesterday I remember I wrote about phone then it jumped to 25 viewers, I remember from my uncle(I think he's my uncle) that number is the importance of the posts, like prioritizing the highest number of viewers as most important post. I however hope that I have so many readers as fact, like doctors especially but why would anyone keep reading me anyway? Why would people rush if it's about selling phone? Maybe I have important images saved then it's hard to get back like picture of (S) and (W) then (A) only pose with friends sadly if she's alone I would have saved then I think I wouldn't be selling my phone. It's $18 on 2nd February(Monday) I just need to survive with this $60+ from 17 January onwards and it's hard for me because I'm not like others - they don't smoke, they keep themselves occupy with zikir, wirid, Dua and Solat, I'm truly different than my family and relatives, it's maybe because of schizophrenia, I think mines worse than my cousin because he can Solat when he work even if on medication of schizophrenia which I don't think he knows he have it. I really want to Solat, then I will remember about Iqra again then my heart jumped into happiness again.

My Simba data usage is 1.67mb/400gb, I really only spend a lot of data when I go to jobclub inside bus, I only need earphones so I feel like I function like a normal person. I just short of money I guess if not I would've bought earphones from Shopee, they costs less than $10.

Current updates about my pain of left arm is its only a bit like nothing, then my left eye have fully recovered. I have 2 whole days to wait for Jobclub, then I hope I maintain doing well in the schedules set for me. I only write these for now because it's too early in the morning sometimes only 5 readers then it don't move up anymore, maybe some chose to be secret readers if the number of viewers is not prioritizing the post, then I wonder why too. I may write so long then only 5 readers is quite demoralizing to write more.

Yesterday I dreamt of becoming President of Singapore anyway. I feel I have dreamt of this before and hope for new dreams in my life.