2 more days Jobclub 8/8!

Finally it's ending, now I will just go through a suffering experience as I have no money left, just $4 thinking what I should do about it. The self-damage got me buying barbecue chicken pau ×2 and 1 zapple small bottle, I really have nothing left and thinking about the $500 Skillsfuture credit changing into Cash is it real or not, Budget talk is February so it's considered as late.

I'm at Day 166 out of ward on medications and total of 214 days on medications.

My Simba data usage is 1.87gb/400gb really jobclub getting me to live like a normal person I'm finally happy about it. Yesterday I was bad mood because of money that I forgot the rise of bus transport causing me shortage of money in my ez-link sadly, then I was supposed to have $13 left then in the end having $10 in my wallet. Jobclub transport is really a lot $3.10 per ride to and back, 1 week twice, around $12+/week, then it's 4 weeks, 12×4 = $48 - just 8 times going I.M.H is this expensive, then sadly my mother didn't give me money too, I'm just like a blind commando going through this difficulty like swallowing all the stress. It's bad I wonder why I hear voices of me getting money then, then it comforted me about February, why is it like that cant I not know I won't get money at all?

Really a bad feeling yesterday then I actually got my injection yesterday then it still makes me angry and pissed off, nobody is my hero in this world, medicine money is provided by my parents then it's still no money in the end as their answer, I don't know why they keep money like that, I really take medications and really deserve something like for cutting worries of my handphone bills to at least last until next Budget, estimated to be August receiving $850 again, then I just have to feel this and be made to shut up instead, so unlucky like a poor man that is living a normal life then struggle instead in the normal life, don't know why I became into this kind of luck in life.

I wonder what I should do in life, daily Iqra I will somehow find peace 1 day hopefully, I thought of meditation for 5 minutes a day too, I wonder if I can do this. If I'm becoming webmaster for masjid how come I can't solat, will I solat in the end? I wonder like that, I hope I become a better man but it's like being forced to be an outcome by pain, it's bad like this, I really wonder why I am living like a survival when my parents are the one not giving me money, I thought I'm doing good been eating the medications but it's like this instead.

It feels like I forgot about Iqra but I most probably have read it already yesterday, also I remember 1 of the day I dreamt of Syaitan and I forgot the dream.

I'm happy in March I will getting $144 for work in February, will I get to save up for Anbernic RG477V in the end? It's like requiring until May then I will have enough, but at least I know I will get to extend my Simba line with the money, I hope it is enough time and I can survive by my own self. Life's too difficult having schizophrenia, I'm stabilizing by the medicine making me strong to be awake early in the morning and living my life like this.

It takes so long to try get (S) as my Soulmate(in other sentence definition, after marrying then a Soulmate) that I really feel lonely in life if I have an understanding girl I would definitely be fine, maybe being supported first until March or April because I earn so little at jobclub. I wonder what's making her limit her life to feel the same experience as me, why is it worth it in her eyes when she can actually have more in life? Is it a competition to be the best wife in the world by psychic knowledge? Maybe true they have been in the same difficult experience as me before even married and becoming my soulmate, that they got the chance to be like that if marry me. I wonder what I should do, it's like I dreamt of downloading PSP emulator on Android to play Harvest Moon, should I really do it? Why it's like no feelings then to play PSP games on Android? Maybe because of the buttons?

Sad how stories of getting money by the voices gotten me dreamy that the pain is unreachable then I really became no money in life, I still won't give up on Iqra anyway. Sorry for the shocked of the way of my writing when I'm angry it's just to create imagination of Hell as my parents being so strict about money. I really don't know I can only just wait for money, to imagine March is like a suffering but they really let me be, I really can't buy anything in February and they are fine about it. It's sad life got to be this way, and it's only Tuesday today, I wonder how good my life can really become, the Job at Popeyes really sounds like April or May even then start, its so long that I have to bear with working at Jobclub in I.M.H for so long.