EZ-Link been topped up

Don't know by how much life's really just hard thinking smoothly if there's no cigs. Maybe it's 1 week of extra pain if no cigs. but it will happen I think. I think (S) in same difficulty as me but she don't mind I guess, don't know why she rather suffer along with me but I still find it sweet. I wanted to buy random bottles to feel like she's not following me anymore but it didn't happen, haha. It's because psychic is at her place then I can't talk to psychic anything, I think it's like that the situation of my life. By right 29th January I should be getting RG477V by doctors but I don't know too, maybe it's some other days or they have forgotten about saying such thing, it's been too long that January is ending then still I don't get my RG477V as promised of doctor, maybe they just forget about it or just making me like a child that believe something nice to hear then actually not giving me at all. I wonder why ive been treated like a child successfully.

I don't know what's keeping (S) from using her money but I hope the sweetness continues, it's really bad if a soulmate been having more fun in life, it's already bad she's the only working one and not me(still at jobclub), I really hope the change happens faster, I pray I get recruited into Popeyes on 29 January, but I don't know it could still be March or April even, that's what 1 of the people there said, I wonder why it's so long for me to feel having money, is my energy/stamina already fine to be working at Popeyes anyway? The point is I'm getting money already in March, then it would be 3 days in March MAYBE, I think it's still a lot of money then in April, I still wouldn't have enough to get my RG477V, unless I save both, but it could be close to $300 USD then still not enough.

My life becoming nothing as just becoming a worker person for 3hrs 2 times a week, earning monthly $144 for first month, I really hope I can earn more on March like working 3 days a week, at least I'm becoming hardworking maybe, I imagine myself having no cigs. in February the difficulty is really coming. I wonder what (S) and others feel, does (W) and (A) work anything at all? Why their life actually can be higher than mine even if don't live in 2-Storey house because they were supported until they got a Job from their family maybe? Then they get to save up school money too, while I can't do all that, I remember when I was 15 years old I used up $3000 of my bank money around 16 years old, then I finished it quite fast sadly, I spent them like nothing and wonder why my parents don't give me money anymore, I think it's savings since my Hari Raya and Sunat days in total becoming like that amount. I really wasted my savings "living life", so boring I don't have anything to rest on right now just $1.10 in bank.

Wonder why the girls agreed to be in same difficulty as me, the none-smokers didn't give me cigs. too, sadly, I really don't know what to do, they spend on the same as me maybe, and what if they keep cigs. in their room? Why can't I smoke them then? Why is doctor being like this to me even if the girls became sweet to me?

Later I will learn Iqra a while then thinking of downloading PSP emulator, then I don't know it don't feel fun anymore even if I imagine myself playing PSP on Android, it's just a dull feeling I hope I can skip, life really have to go on even if it's like this, don't know why nobody cares about me like I wish people understand money as something important in life, I just have to live on with the girls at same difficult situation as me, wonder what's their plan about money anyways, they really save up a lot at this age maybe can even buy a house already maybe? I'm so late and useless in life, I can't even buy a house yet.

For now I think I'm going to try sleep and see what happens, maybe will need to use toilet causing me to wake up, but I really have nothing to do everyday while the girls at workplace I think, thinking about all of them as fact now, instead of usually on (S), like why it still looks real like I will marry 4? Because all of them "susah senang bersama2" with me? I wonder what they think of me did I become a useless guy in their eyes?