Today is Day 167 out of ward on medications, I haven't even been 6 months outside and I'm doing great still on medications. It's a total of 215 days on medications though, more than 6 months already.
My Simba data usage is 1.87gb/400gb still not moving since yesterday because it only moves when I have Jobclub when I'm outside. I'm happy I have a nice line to feel happy about.
Yesterday I dreamt of myself as Naruto, and One Piece character Luffy etc. about anime. It's really a weird dream but I slept peacefully is the point, I just kept going to toilet because of alot of drinking of cold water that day and night.
Tomorrow being my last day of Jobclub probation and I have no money to celebrate, I even stopped writing a Diary and scrap the idea of making like a Sketchbook of my recoveries moments, they don't take it so seriously of schizophrenia maybe because Hisyammuddin recovered and earning big in life already, he's so lucky being managed early in life of his schizophrenia and he did not feel schizophrenia feelings like "crazy so eat medicine" etc. making it hard to eat medicines, luckiest man I guess that "only to prevent from feeling hot to eat medicines", as I understand the hotness of being patient about family's decision about money, it's really hard if they have made up their mind and we have nobody to give us money. He got 5 siblings including himself and he's number 3, so at that time he only got his Sister to ask money from. Me having 4 siblings and being the last one, I got 2 older sisters and 1 older brother to ask money from but I didn't ask. My 2nd sister didn't give me money when I ask from her yesterday, it looks like her message is writing of doctor instead, like I have read it before, maybe they decided to be fixated about the amount of money I have then really I just have to suffer through it.
Storm King is a small packet and I survive on it hoping can last me long enough, I only have my brother's unfinished cigs. to pick and roll back the tobacco as a rolling cig., but he's usually in room anyway, it's really hard as he lock his doors then morning I can't smoke maybe. I just have to survive like this first.
I feel like I became childish because matter of money, then I don't know what's going to happen to me but they just see me as living life with my enough transport to do jobclub and just perform it normally, it's really hard I really hope Popeyes take me in by 29th January so at least I have EZ-link money to spend on, I'm really at survival state of life and it's tempting to sell away my phone. If I sell this phone maybe if I can get $300, then buy a $100 phone, then it means I can have $200 cash left? It's really tempting, then I just have to delete all photos and log out from everything then I'm fine already? Should I do it? Should I sell phone today? Life's really suffering and I think (S) is using the same phone as me too? Means if I do it she will do it too. Hahaha I find it cool like someone really experiencing the same as me due to pity or other reason definitely don't want to give me anything, but I feel it's more like a soulmate-attachment, it's really special.
I feel like adding a tagbox if someone would communicate with me at blog, I remember my neighbour planned to write at comments of blog 1 day then it still don't happen yet I wonder if it's a dream, means I can remember promises like a dream or I dream of communicating with ease with everyone one day and having a smooth relationship of peace and harmony with everyone. People know my attitude by my writings then it's sad schizophrenia made me this way, I even write word like "masturbate" due to anger and people know my anger is like that. It's still okay reminding me of "Iman" in M.R.T masturbating when he's angry when I talk to (S) in M.R.T and he thinks I'm Wali Allah abusing my power to get (S), Psychic is the one that told me. It's so cool such thing really made me get to score on getting (S) but she tunang with "Iman" in the end, sadly I imagine the kisses on forehead, Salam even, etc. I find it stupid if a Soulmate knowledge ignored and she touches other man, means even if I'm right like 1+1=2, she ignored the answer as "2" and calculated soulmate as "marriage first then soulmate" as her "2", like a different language instead, I really can't do anything about it.
I still feel like applying at Popeyes myself to luck on getting other Jobs faster and earning more in life, it's so little amount $6/hr, then each bus ride to and back is $6.20 as it's $3.10 per journey, means $18-$6.20=$11.80 I only earn that little if I pay transport for myself, why is a bus journey so expensive, I think it's okay that I don't meet (S) because of transport being so expensive then it would be so many times spending like a price of Chicken Chop with Tomato Rice, that I can have healthy future babies if I have the food instead.
My left arm is still in pain a little bit I wonder why it's like that so long to recover it's been 2 months like that since the injection and February will be doing on the left as injection again I wonder if it would become painful again. It's sad how it's still January now then having no money, really tempting to sell away my phone for a nicer life. The Nostalgia of writing the blog using this phone exist that if kept it's still cool but it's just a blog anyway, but it's about writing of (S) anyway. I really in a bit of dilemma to sell or not. It just makes me happier that I have a source of money still. I hope I can plan better in future, maybe cigs. really bad as it cause me to be feeling poor, but then if I buy my favourite daily $3 egg cheese prata then buy a drink, it's still $5.30 or $4.50 per day, it's still 3 days = a price of cig. then actually I would've finished the money still, around the same moment too, I guess my babies(sperm) have to bear not eating egg cheese prata and my fav. chicken chop with tomato rice first for now, hahaha. They are psychics anyway in future, I think they know my problem and will be very good in money knowledge 1 day, it's harsh like a soul moving and alive since a sperm day then the memories of as a sperm don't exist, I wonder why God created it like that, they move as a sperm but still wonder for years why they don't become a human yet, but my psychic babies will know it's not the time yet because they will be sick if I have babies first, as not enough vegetables of chicken chop with tomato rice.
I think this is all for now, I really don't feel energetic to write a lot more, then I remember I forgot to learn Iqra yesterday but my memory have remembered about sha shi shu dha dhi dhu tha thi thu zha zhi zhu, it's really cool I remember by the pattern of the text too. Lucky I will be fine missing only 1 day of Iqra just learning +1 more if I miss. I hope this doesn't happen all the time.
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