4th day of Jobclub will create an ending imagination of pain as I will start earning money after 8th day.
I'm now at 152 days out of ward on medications and total of 200 days on medications. I finally hit 200 but still no support from my family or relatives yet, I wonder what are they waiting for, if imagine 1 year of medication then I receive money, it's like $10K(my mother)+theirs is still too much, receiving earlier is still nicer for my health to be less panic about my future.
I really hope it's at least after jobclub then I get money, I really hope they become more understanding about cig. too, but my parents like don't know I smoke too, maybe it's doctor's strategy to pretend not knowing as it creates a higher energy to quit smoking, as anger creates more energy to smoke.
Simba data is currently at 612mb/400gb then it's renewing tomorrow, or resetting by today, then it becomes 0/400gb again, I'm still energetic about Simba line and happy like crazy, it's like scoring 100/100 in all subjects then people just get the feeling easily by registering Simba line while I score and get the feeling. I'm so happy about my number too.
Today I ate my pills as usual, but early today around 6.40a.m because I woke up early and bath early before 7a.m.
Today my nurse Ma Yuchuan is coming to visit me, his last visits will be in February then no 1 is coming to visit me anymore. I hope he reminds me some stuff like how was my conversation with doctors everything but I assume he will talk of work again.
Today I plan to watch Boruto maybe episode 69 like that even, maybe I've watched until that far, I hope I get the right episode. If One Piece is too hard to search, I wonder why I self-damage until like deleting my database of information of Anime List that I have watched, it was neat and made me happy like a jackpot feeling.
It's so long my life with anime, I wonder what's the 3rd anime I will watch(something I haven't watch before from start) so I have something to do in life. I kept drinking water and kept going to toilet making me like lazy to watch as I kept going to toilet.
I'm thinking if (S) ate the same as me yesterday as my sister brought back home Black Pepper Epok2 and Tuna Bread etc. I hope somehow a communication-line exist about my life and hers and we're still together doing something the same. I wonder if I drink red bull daily she will drink red bull daily too.
I haven't asked my brother when I will take Car License but I hope March as the 2nd fastest, I really wish in February to start it.
I don't know why I wasted money like nothing in the past skipping my License, it's such a waste but schizophrenia created me like that, it's really not my own fault but I don't know why my family like not blaming schizophrenia for all the loss of experiences in my life.
I'm hoping like if I have $4k cash I will ask bicycle shop if I want to add gear to my bicycle how much it will cost, I really want my bicycle to be geared type so it's lighter to cycle, it's quite heavy but a good exercise type of feelings. I wonder too if it's true about my mother giving $10K at 1 year of medication because anytime they can lie as say "no" to create me angry after a big happiness because of the amount, then I still can thought it's a dream too. It's sad how my memories sometimes I think it's a dream if it's too happy.
I remember one time I wanted to write about medicine created me to not experience "out of body" like my soul goes out of body and sleep paralysis, then few days ago I sleep I experience sleep paralysis but in my vision I see a small boy walking on top of me, then when he's on the right side of my body, I feel my body moved, then my arms moved by itself, then my right hands moved then my head moved pushing to the right as he goes back behind my head on the left. I wonder what is it. The reality - is it maybe a dream while my body or blood knows which will twitch first then I see like a boy moved it? It's like to believe as "Anak Jin" then wonder what it could be, my dream and blood flow synchronizes to seem like a boy moved it? He was on top of me making me immobilized. I really don't know what is it. I haven't experienced sleep paralysis for so long then suddenly it's like that, the sleep paralysis however was not so scary but the vision like that was scary. I really don't feel like out of body because have a small boy, it's like "will my soul meet the boy" if I went out of my body?
That's all the story of my life experience.
I hope I have more things to write but daily experience is the same I may end up writing the same thing over and over again and blog might become boring. I really need a hobby other than Iqra and Anime to write about it, maybe I need to play Games and write about Games, but RG477V is not here yet.
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