I hope doctors help me about talking to my parents about money, I feel their way of handling my life is too stressful for me. I feel like wanting a counsellor that talks about money to give me then I guess they in the end will be siding my parents anyway, I don't know why they're so strict about money. There definitely is something because doctor say I'm the most patient person in the world and will be in Guinness world record about it. The harshness is seen even by knowing have readers but none talks to my parents about money. I will feel macam dianiya but they really give food, its just too bad I feel this way, the pain is quite a level of insanity, like brain-damaging to me to be given no money.
I remember it's like self-damage when I didn't smoke then I started smoking again causing me to enter I.M.H again in June but then it's actually their usual scheduled 29th June I always enter I.M.H every year, it just seems like because of smoking. I don't know why they're like this to me and why relatives will cahoot on this kind of treatment towards me. They wanting me independent but did not see that I have schizophrenia and treated me like a normal person instead kind of discipline.
Sometimes I will feel unlucky to be having this kind of family that's not giving money, even other people that their family is not like my father having houses in Johor and Batam, gets money on normal jobs I think, I'm just so unlucky and sad kind of situation. People don't pity me at all and rather I have no money all the time, I just need to depend on jobclub in February.
The start of writing about money restarted as nurse reminded me about money, I wonder why my family don't think the same about me like a nurse did, like they didn't care if I don't have money and like the suffering to continue, like existing a pain thats not needed in life, it's too harsh like a criminal being punished to be living in a 2-storey house then actually my family not giving money at all, then it also means I can't ask for help about money at any social worker place(I think that's what they're called), then I just live like a standard of a person that's rich enough to survive this life. I have to endure life without money and just thinking of my health and strength if I don't drink like redbull every morning, I would feel weak the entire day, redbull is my daily thing like a medicine.
I'm thinking how to skip the "1 year medication then get money" thing, like getting it earlier because it proves they have money anyway, then I don't know why readers or my relatives don't help me talk to my parents about give me money, I only have $71+ left to last until February jobclub then I have to survive like this for real, like they won't give me any chance to support me more even, but just experience a feeling of endurance, I really don't like to endure. I'm however happy it's almost half month done about this month, then February is getting closer. Tomorrow is Wednesday then after that I have Jobclub, finishing my half done of Probation Period.
I wonder what I can do to earn, I'm just weak unable to earn like other people then they didn't give me support first but just the common sense of life like food at home, I don't know why they rather let me suffer like this than just $50 they rather I feel the anger instead. It's so bad my life. Schizophrenia causes me hard to work and they knew the symptom is like that but not being nicer to me at all but like a normal healthy person that's lazy instead.
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