I became having visions of people dancing when I don't smoke and it felt heaty so I just c.d.c voucher and buy another 1 that's purple(coldest cig.), I really supposed to quit cig. many times since long time ago but I guess the feeling is just too much.
Simba data usage is 265mb/400gb, I know I will survive my phone number somehow but I don't know who will start supporting me and give me money, I really need it in close to 6 months, my estimation of survival is like that.
Today morning I feel nice due to cig., I don't know why it pleasures me and why people have a problem about it, it's harsh like maybe the fact is I won't be able to complete puasa this coming Ramadan, I really will feel life as incomplete if I can't do it. One of complete life is really quitting cig., I don't know why appear vision of dancing people and it feels hot when I don't smoke, it's hard like that, like hallucinating? Why is it like that my eyes?
I notice I woke up earlier if I don't smoke, it's hard like that, yesterday I didn't smoke after finishing my last stick until today morning, then when I woke up my eyes kept having vision of dancing people so I decided to smoke again, I totally forgot that my left eye in pain and haven't recovered then I already smoke again, it's hard like this, I really hope for support then I'm a smoker then nobody will really support me because I'm a smoker, i really don't know what else I can do to feel normal again but smoke. It's the only solution for the pain I feel, coldness definitely impact to decrease the pain that I feel, I really have about $102 like that left due to spending on cig., life's hard like this, why they can't find a solution that actually supports me buying cig. first and quitting slowly but choose on sudden quit instead, I really don't know how to do this well, at first I really can do it then I don't know why the vibration in my head comes back, so cold cig. is my support. I truly walk a lot if I don't smoke then it pains my legs too, smoke really make me cope with life's endurance.
Today is the 7th day of Iqra later I will read them, then it feels like I have remembered all as fact but I just need to be smooth in memory of them all, I will continue until 1 month, nobody talks of the past to remind me if I have done 1 month then still don't remember causing me to give up, I really hope Iqra don't bore me to quit it, I really need something to be getting peaceful feelings about, it's just too hard like this I need to understand if Quran really is peace-making into soul of readers, then I can't understand unless I know how to read Arabic text. Then I discovered, 2 lines is just adding "n" at the pronunciation of normal ba bi bu becoming ban bin bun. It's really easy again I don't know what caused me to give up on Iqra other than quitting medicines.
I think last year I stopped taking medications around February then because I stopped Iqra?
Today I still feel the need to go toilet because I drank a lot of cold water, I think it's a problem because my jobclub is early in the morning tomorrow and I can't be needing the toilet in the bus, I really need to control drinking cold water. It's definitely a problem for me.
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