Just now I bought barbeque chicken pau 2 using voucher, and bought 100+, h2o is now called 100+ is noticed I thought it's a wrong label then actually they tookover or something? Then I bought a 1.5L using voucher adding 30 cents. Total spent is $2.90 today as morning I bought redbull. I imagine myself without cig. then just now I was craving for it, it's bad, can I really quit cig. by 8th January? I really hope so that it's the end.
My left eye itches but the size still small or actually smaller even, I really don't know what to do just have to wait, this unluckiness like ever happened before and it was moment of jobclub again, then my life like a repeat of something, then it's like a plan of God also to cause smoke accident into my left eye.
When I think again, maybe the last day of this 7 more times left, then I will get Anbernic RG477V from doctor? They really not supporting me I only left $100.20 in my wallet, I'm definitely dead if March have no Package Money again, it's hard life for sure I think my finally or relative will finally give me money by then, they just wanting me to quit smoking I assume, this will be my last box then I think this is the real one, I've been trying to quit smoking thinking many times "as the last box" then it didn't happen, maybe it's finally this one.
I'm resting in my room now having nothing to do, I've read Iqra just now, trying to remember difficult ones like ja ji ju, ha hi hu, kho khi khu, I really remember it like dot in middle, no dots, dot on top, I'm really remembering Iqra and hopefully by end of this month of 3 months I know how to read Arabic Text, then 6th month hopefully I can read the Al-Quran already since (S) is not with me, I really don't know why I still hang on to get (S), it's like story of quotes like we really will get what we prayed for, then I wonder if it's true, why a human's feelings can be created by prayers then?
I think the pain in my left eye causing me not knowing what to write a lot more. I'm really unsure about my life but people like making me think it's the end of 7 more times of jobclub then I will receive money, I really hope I get it sooner, life's really harsh I have to survive like this, it's a matter of time until my parents take out the c.d.c voucher then I have nothing to save from. I really don't know what to do I feel like bicycling soon as I have no life kind of feelings.
Today is Monday so boring and I've done jobclub then feeling nothing to do, I have no one to talk to making my dullness feels even worse, I really have no friends to communicate with and life really like this, I imagine if I had money, I maybe still just walk around to spend my data and still it's like a waste of money, sitting at home saves money but the boredom is high, but I feel like the pain I have in my body is due to my left eye in pain, then it create other kind of pain thats like imagination of catatonia or schizophrenia-promotion kind of pain, it's maybe anhedonia too that everything feels boring and lonely.
Really wonder what to do, I feel like I should try sleeping or try playing games, I wish I have Anbernic RG477V already, haha. Then at least have something to try around, really just filling the emptiness of paragraph in my writing, I wonder who reads looking at me still the same and always boring too. The stress is high because have nothing to do.
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