I remember somewhere I stopped watching anime but I hope I did not finish it as I plan to watch it until finish, but my memories like I have ever finished it before, it's sad if I got to watch it again but just because I forgot, maybe the reason people really just let me be and watch it again.
I didn't watch on Netflix because my nephew wanted to use the computer, my sister's account on Netflix can be used to watch the anime.
Now I have something else other than Iqra to keep me occupied in my lifestyle, maybe I will just watch 2 animes at once then the feeling of something new in life happens, I really hope I become a happier person because on Thursday I'm halfway done working for free at Jobclub, then I will only have 4 more to go, this week is the half done week, I'm happy I have survived like this, I hope I become a stronger person too. I remember every Thursday I'm the only man then with a woman that I worry I must keep wiping the doors, wiping all the doors takes a lot of time and I hope it's not a repeat of it, it's too big and too boring for me, at that time we finished at 11+a.m and just now we finished at 10.50a.m like that but goes home around 11.15a.m.
Nobody gave me energy of life like support of money maybe because I'm a smoker as the main reason, I hope to surprise my family and relative that I can become a non-smoker but I wonder how I can quit suddenly. It's just too fast, I need a healing way from the stressful mind like suddenly having visions of people dancing and like crystal outline of a human body, like a water moving about in my vision, I don't know why the pain is like that, if can remove it then I'm sure I would become a healthier mind. I really don't know what's wrong with me, it's maybe the spike causing me like this, maybe it will take more time for the spike to finish from my body.
Yesterday I remember I wrote of my teenagers days of suicide ideas, then I totally forgot about it and wonder how my family did not support me more even after knowing about it, now this time maybe schizophrenia then anhedonia added the stress, or catatonia that moves or stuck my body movement that can create me sad too, then if include the stress of money, I can only pray that Jobclub gives me a job on time or I really have enough until February, I really can't cope my life like this, I imagine if 1 cig. is $13.90, then per day a week I get $18, then 2 weeks is $36, I can still last 2 packs in a week, as 3 days to last, then maybe I usually only miss 1 day each time of not having a cig., I really hope I would quit by then and making my family and relatives happier, but then it's just hope. The feeling to give them is like I've scored 100/100 in N level, a gift that I studied hard, something like that, it's a difficult gift to quit smoking, I've really tried my best many times.
Right now I'm planning a next anime to watch so I don't get bored, or a feeling of new life.
I really hope I found back my life, anime streams watching, it just have to happen again the pleasure, I don't want anhedonia to ruin my feelings at all. I hope when I recover schizophrenia I will recover anhedonia as well.
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