I'm happy I choose this path of life, Voucher used for eating instead of cigs., then I will just use my own supermarket voucher for my family. I only have $15 C.D.C Voucher left.
I'm thinking of something new I should do as a daily thing other than Iqra, I wonder what, I tried reading Arabic language but it's still quite tough to me, I can read abit already and I'm happy about it.
If the text are written in a non-shortcut manner I maybe able to read all, I have to get used to alot of things, like 🎗️ kind of writing also exist, it's hard to understand it as "A" like what is it? Haha. Even the "Ta" if as a tail or end of writing it's like a circle too. Once I get used to them I should be able to read Arabic already. For now I need to understand other ways of writing the Arabic text before reading them smoothly I think. I'm happy I'm successful on my own test of reading before listening how it's pronounced as I got right.
I feel like only (S) pity me even if my family may say "kesian", because they don't give me money, then (S) even if don't give me money, she's still guided by doctors of the reasons I can't have money yet, and it's all because of Mastermind story, maybe if too much Chicken Chop with Tomato Rice will be bad for baby too, because they jelak maybe? The point is really for the vegetables as fact, I wonder if I should just buy the vegetable alone with fries($4) like that but it's a waste, fries $4 then if Chicken Chop Set is $5.90 with fries, just for the vegetable might as well buy Chicken Chop Tomato Rice, the biggest is still Fish and Chip but flavour is more important for the pleasure of life.
It's really just about future babies that I eat vegetable, then now I wonder if I will really become President of Singapore or Mufti of Islam Singapore 1 day because that's what doctor said about me, I'm really surprised like happy I am seen as a smart person in the eyes of doctor. I hope my family see me as an intelligent person too. I really want a nicer treatment about money. Only Bik Isah understands me I guess as I mentioned about feeling panic last year, but still I really don't know when's their(my relatives) support will appear.
I'm happy my next jobclub is 6/8 and it's on Thursday, free work is finally ending and I'm so excited about it, I really want this happy feelings to live on because it's like imagination of life for me finally after so many years, 16 years as fact, that I've been alone and thinking nonsense, hearing nonsense stories of small girls, and believing false-information of hers, then other people I really hope I know who, that talks bad painful statement when my eyes become white rolled upwards, because I definitely will hear it again sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder why my memory is like that, it's like a complete statement or scripted to listen again and again, but now I'm on medication it's not so bad but I still hear voices of small girl, she's really getting into my life path for no reason and being in the way of my happiness, I really don't know what to do about the voices, the medicine is my only path and it's to eat them.
The anger sometimes don't exist and I'm happy if it doesn't because if it does I will panic like in a rush of what to try to ask for help about, like if she talks of solat and I hear back or boil me into anger making me remember things like my parents don't give me money, I really will end up writing the worries and try to get what I want, it's painful if I have forgotten then I hear back then I remember again. I don't think she remembers she ever attacked my life because of memory loss, her schizophrenia looks stable as she can study until N.U.S, so lucky life to have a stable schizophrenia then even if she's not sentenced as a criminal, she's even luckier I guess I really don't know what she should be sentenced as, what kind of crime is causing-break-up? Making me go johor alone and wasting my money? She's just lucky it's me that she attacked, because I pity small kids easily especially girls, then I won't beat them up. Means I will think of her health also even if I can win her I let it be but it's really like destroying my own self having to listen to the painful statements many times in my life.
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