Happy New Year 2026

It's finally January and 4 more days is my Jobclub, there's no talk about license yet, I wonder when is it, I really want to become a better man. Today I plan to not walk too much to try see what I feel entire day but I read that walking a lot is healthy, I wonder why I get blur or dark vision if I walk a lot. It's unfair this kind of thing is happening to me.

Today is the day I would declare myself as 38 years old, even if my birthday is 19 June, (S) would be 37 years old this year, she's finally feeling old yet or not that I'm so old already didn't she pity me at all?

Today is 140th day out of ward on medications, and +48 = total of 188 days on medications, I'm reaching 200 days and happy about it. It's been over 6 months and still no support I wonder why I have memories of my aunts like giving me money, is it a dream?

My total usage of Simba line is 173mb/400gb, it's already half month for Simba and I used only so little, I imagine if my aunts want me to explore Singapore it would be nice if I can use up my Data, just imagination and the dreamy memories, it's like remembering (S) again it was dreamy at first.

I used my NETS tap card to buy tincan again today, as I'm saving my cash, I hope I really survive this month, I have $130 in my wallet and I actually feel like I'm dead. It's definitely hard to survive unless I try quitting smoking. I know I would start back on Marlboro Crafted as it's the cheapest cig., but I hope I am strong enough to quit cig. and save up. Life's harsh but it got to be this way. I would be drinking a lot of cold water then wonder if I really can stop walking around then I would be sitting a lot? I wonder which is healthier, if walking said as healthier why I get dark vision if I walk a lot? The vibrations in my body just need to off maybe then I won't feel like walking around anymore, it's really hard I have to write like about cigs., because of worry about staircase at first then I panic hoping my mother won't be scolding me making me feel the hotness from it. I don't know why the hotness is real, it's maybe the boiling anger actually melted the spike to feel hot again?

I really just want my panic feelings to go away, I'm so happy if I really become healthy enough to work at Popeyes, I am surprised as actually I'm not a restaurant type of guy then I actually becoming like that, it's just the Jobclub making me this way, but I know the point is making money anyway.

This morning I didn't remember if I have any dreams or not, it's the medications making me not remember dreams I think, it's hard then I need doctors to tell me the definitions of my dream and doctor is really psychic like he can remind me my dream without experiencing it is cool, means I can forget my dream then he remind me of it instead. I wonder when doctor going to give me the book of my dream definitions, I know he ever told me of giving me a book. Then I wonder if it's a dream or not. Weird. My memories like dreamy and dream mixtures as like a reality of it happened.