The most I have spent time with is (A), then (W) then a girl then (S) only some time in M.R.T, my memories are like this, I wonder why doctor said they have to spend for others also if they want to buy something themselves, I wonder what they would be eating if I don't exist, I wonder why they don't mind eating same as me maybe because my body is bigger I eat more and they get full easily anyway. Why like removing the feelings that they earn more should be giving me more too instead of being the same? The fairness exist like a gift from them, I am happy because of it.
What I remember about Schizophrenia, the moments like I will have 3 Vehicles if I own a Car License - Family Car, Sports Car, Small Lorry(I plan to buy this), 2 are gifts 1 from Uncle and another is someone that treat me like his Son. It makes me really want to drive really soon, I wonder when my brother's going to talk about Car License, then I will have Motorcycle License and Motorcycle(K.R) from my neighbour that treat me like my "Abg Sedare". Another is if I get a Soldier Job, "Abg Cha" said he will belanja me McDonalds everyday. I remember these like a dream so I'm unsure of it if it is true too. I remember from my 1 of neighbour that My P.S.P is with my Parents and they planning to put all games inside and give me back 1 day, I wonder why they keep it then. Doesnt this mean that I will suddenly become rich when I have Vehicle License? 3 Vehicles to manage and some people Red Plate to save money then I actually become a rich man suddenly 1 day?
This in my mind makes me hard to ask for anything because I will get a lot already. I really hope to experience a richer life and spend time with my family because of all the loss moments in life because of schizophrenia.
I remember my relatives go to other countries to ask for cure of schizophrenia and they really can't find any, the story of nurse to say schizophrenia have no cure but maintenance makes me hard to believe because on Strait Times ever have story of a person Cured(they use this word) from Schizophrenia. It means I can be cured 1 day, it means I will remember a lot on the moment of cure? I hope not, but remembering like these(if it's true and not a dream) instead. I want to remember a lot more like the doctors in my life it really felt like they appear during critical moment but now the harshness of no money none of them have appeared yet, I wonder when is the happiness of RG477V too, I really want to have a nicer life.
Looking at stuff on TikTok etc. makes me like want to buy them to go out, I can't be always at home I want to feel pleasure of life too, especially to spend time with (S), I wonder when it can even happen, Saturday and Sunday is not suitable timing because she wants to spend time with her Niece? Maybe the 4 girls will challenge about "Becoming the Best Aunty in the World"? Because I heard in Guinness world Record I am "The Best Uncle/Cousin/Grandchild/Nephew/Brother in the World". I heard from doctor it's like that, I wonder what happened like I lost my memory what I did for them? What will make me the Best Child in the World? Hahaha, maybe Rasullullah s.a.w or Imam Mahdi is the Best Child in the World?
I really don't see why they don't tell me what makes me the best, they don't talk about my happiness like money too, the topic just don't start and they only talk about working and earning money for marriage, it's harsh like that I haven't even got the chance to save up to go out with a girl because they gave me nothing to save from. Means I can't ask a girl for a date at all. It's hard to get kind of girls then it's like this kind of life, I wonder why being the best doesn't get to go out with the girl in the most effort from my Father and Mother. I wonder what I should do to become the Best Child in the World in Guinness World Record.
Life writing like these will still makes like want to delete because it's like self-praising and too proud, but I'm just sharing my happiness by what doctor have said, I really want to believe all of it as true and try to become the best I can.
I wonder what can make me a fun uncle is really just having fun everytime like allowing games in life. The 4 girls maybe just busy with their niece if they have any to be the Best Aunty in the World? Hahaha.
I'm really thinking of doing counter for counts of visits in my blog then it's too late already maybe, or too old already. I used to have a lot of friends that I just add even if I just know without talking, in school. My decision was like that in Facebook, I recreated it multiple times anyway now I have 0 friends. Even Zabid did not respond to me, it's weird I used to spend a lot of my time with him including truant from school, he became successful leaving me far behind, he became a manager of hotel I think, then I'm just a Jobclub guy that aims to work at Popeyes. I really became a nobody despite scoring high in school and wasted my last exam with a normal passing score. I'm sad I didn't become to appear as someone good or intelligent, the result maybe don't match my intelligence and I'm unhappy about it. I hope next year I will do well in O-level or whatever it will be called, like story of doctor I will be Top in Singapore and Famous. Finally, it make sense to me because of I used to score 100/100 in All Subjects. Sad that I maybe wastes money due to schizophrenia and everyone made my life difficult to get money on purpose. I don't know whats the aim or goal, or what they gain from making me have a harder life than I can feel.
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