I don't know why, I have ever scored 100/100 in N level it makes me think like I can score well in Islamic studies too, I really feel like learning about Islam again, but I wonder what I should do, I feel like I can score high about Islam too.
Iqra smoothness makes me energized to learn matter of Islam, I really want to know how to read Arabic text first then I can decide on such thing. If not about Islam then Arab language itself will be okay I guess, I wonder if psychic will tell me if I will do this kind of things, I wonder why psychic don't tell me this kind of things, I remember I will know how to read Arabic text around 38 and before 39 years old I think psychic said this, but I don't know if psychic can tell me again. Life finally can feel complete if I know how to read Quran myself 1 day, I hope the peace really exist by saying the Quran, as I desire peace as I think of (S) alot in my life, I really don't know if she will be around my life or not, if she just accompany me I would be feeling less pain daily, it's maybe a lovesickness then I think.
My simba data end up being 311mb/400gb when I reached home I think, I'm happy about it, I just need to buy an earphone so when I go around I can listen to YouTube while on the way I guess. I check I have $40 left, means this 12th January it will deduct $10, then it will be until February, then the $30 - to March, to April and to May. I feel like I need to use up this money I have remaining, to top-up my Simba until August at least, then I still wonder if my mother will give me money before February, it feels like she giving me $10K last year, then it became "it's like after 1 year of medication instead", I really wonder why my family dont talk of money, it's bad waiting about for money, I really want to top-up my Simba and but spectacles.
It's easily like that I think of money that my family could've given me, I wonder why it's like in mix of my memories, like if it's a dream or real, I became waiting for it instead now as I remember it.
If I deduct $20 from my current cash for Simba to last until July, I would still expect to have money(be given) in June, if I stuck it until May, government still maybe haven't given money then it's maybe August again like last year, so if I get money from my mother after jobclub, then I can settle my Simba until August this year, then I will feel happy and light. The stress and panic is real then I can't smoke as it's the best solution in my situation, I wonder how if doctors or family support my cig. crave, it's like they won't at all because they all believe it as bad, I really don't know how to be okay being someone that smokes but have no money. I really became like a type of guy that menyusahkan orang? Sadly my life really grow up to be like this, but it's the first time maybe or 2nd after last year that I write of money alot, but last year I lost memories a lot.
I'm thinking if I can become someone strong in matter of Islam like my other relatives that have Wali Allah, it's easy for them to solat while it's painful for me, right now my left arm in pain especially the real reason, then I still hear voices suruh solat, it's really painful as it's annoying to me, as I will panic as I anticipate something hot kind of statements that I imagine, that my heart can become hot just by hearing such thing, I don't know what is it and why it's like this. I hope doctor get me a recovery from something hot about just talking, then I feel hot instead. I really don't want to become angry and unstable.
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