My Simba data is at 342mb/400gb still my monthly usage is only so little because I didn't go out to places, I wonder how housewife all survive in life without going out and just being at home all day. I wonder what activity I should do to keep myself occupied and not smoke, just now the vibration in my head was so hard I had to smoke again, I wonder if a monitoring of quitting smoking kind of support can exist. I'm left only $90+ in my wallet and I feel deadmeat, it feels like my mother will give me money but they won't talk about money which is bad for me as I am not having knowledge of when I will have money.
I thought Bik Minah and Bik Isah would give me money but I guess it's a dream or something like 1 year of medications, it's weird I can not know if it's true like my brother sponsoring me license I thought it's a dream too then I happen to be right. If it's really 1 year of medication, my mother would give me $10K then why would I receive $500 and $200 from Bik Minah and Bik Isah? Maybe they're still giving me somewhere after 6 months of medications, maybe I must finish my jobclub first. It's weird to receive from relative and my family didn't support me at all, like rather that I have no money and feel the pressure and panic in life. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens in my life.
I didn't see that the difficulty of life will become like this, it's so hard kind of life, then imagining August as next time receiving money from government, then family actually not planning to give me money is weird too, they rather I have a hard life?
I'm really sad how I smoke again despite calculating to quit cig. yesterday, I smoke only 6 yesterday I really can't cope the vibration in my head, storm king is small cig. to be rolled then I hope I can survive for awhile from it. I remember when I quit cig. would have a pleasure feeling from sleep but then it could be the spike that's causing me requiring to smoke again and again. I wonder when's the real time I will quit cig.
I guess my family have decided that I don't smoke at all and rather I suffer instead of supporting me with cig. for awhile. I don't know what can change their decision of not letting me have a difficult life too. Doctors maybe planned this then I really can't do anything if doctors decided to be strict like this. Why they rather I suffer from crave of cig. instead of the quitting pattern to follow?
It's 2 more days then the Simba reset then I still have nobody that contacted me yet, I wonder why my friends don't mind me having no money instead of helping me too, is it I really have no true friends at all? They all living their life already to the fullest while I'm like a poor guy or a beggar life been so many years since my teenage days? Why people rather I be like a poor life instead of normal support in life? Why doctors maybe calculated this kind of life to happen to me? What should I do to change their mind on ways to care for me?
I can't sleep in the day making it like an endurance from morning until mid afternoon then afternoon, people like forcing me to pray without saying anything and knew the pain would become like this, I think there's maybe something else that I can do in life. Anhedonia really spoiled my body system of feeling pleasure in life by gaming, then doctors not giving me any medicine for it, they are letting me suffer on purpose. Daily life is a stretchy feeling of dullness and it create negative feeling in my body and my mind.
I guess I just have to wait and see what's going to happen in life, they really decided this kind of life to me, they definitely making me desperate and it's bad feeling for a man to feel desperate many times in a year, like wanting me to feel like a sad gay instead, they just decided not to help me at all.
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