I am thinking if I can quit cigs. already, will (S) be fine without cigs.? $18×2=$36 February onwards, the schedules been confirmed just now. Why is it life like this? Why can't people give me money earlier? Why are they deciding my life like this?
I calculated that 1 month of working February = $144, I really feel so poor, why did I become a man that's like this? How come my brother don't often give money too?
Is (S) really sacrificing life to feel like me(even if no hotness everything), but isn't sabar making our heart feels hot? She's really not enjoying life more than me? I wonder of stuff like this.
I will have to endure from smoking like a cold turkey story? I hope (S) schedules herself to meet me faster than any help of doctor, I'm really bored of my life, it's been so many years loving her and she knew it while my life been like this repetitive for so many years, I really don't know how to fix my life. I hope she can advice me stuff like contact me, or suggest me on what to do, I don't like my life like this I feel so alone and she let me be. Why won't she find me a girlfriend then? If she pity me, she should find someone for me. I really have no life then without her it's a dead life, I don't feel happy like this, she's my cure and happiness but didn't attempt to cure me at all, it's about her being around then suddenly the pain gone from my body, I really enjoy it to feel like a normal person and not in weird kind of pain. Why my life still alone like this? Why people worry about me questioning about money until not contact me at all? January is ending finally its 20th, life must feel faster so I can have money, I remember I need to work 3 more times then I start having money it kinda created me loss of energy.
People don't mind the endurance I would feel, I thought they said Allah will make me have enough everytime it's finished and on time, doesn't this mean Allah don't support me at all? Why my relatives want me to believe such things? If they don't give me money of course I have no money but want me to believe such things instead, I wonder why I have to experience this in my life.
Firstly I don't have (S) to contact, my heart keeps thinking of her then Secondly the possibilities of she getting in touch with other men, people don't really care and let the risk happens, means they don't control who she contact with and let me be thinking why my life is like this, they don't comfort me any assurance but let me be stress about her. Thirdly she have money and can live her life because healthy and can work, I'm different unhealthy and can't work but they don't give me money but expect me to be treated like everyone else that's healthy, life is so unfair and they really doing this on purpose. Like they making me question of money on purpose, I wonder why so much anger in me like this, they really serious about it too. The pain can be lesser if I have money but they control my life this way, this is stupid life I'm having.
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