Tomorrow Jobclub 6/8!

Wow finally hitting the 6th time at jobclub then I only have 2 more times to go next week. I'm happy the free work is ending and I will start earning money even if Abit it's still something that causes less panic as I will have cash.

I'm at Day 160 out of ward on medications and total of 208 days on medications, I've been having good dreams lately and I hope it makes my sleep nice, I just hope for a nice sleep everytime and don't want like a groggy feeling I think is what it's called. I remember the way for a nice sleep is lorazepam that I haven't taken for a long time, I wonder if it will maintain like that, because of jobclub every morning. The happiness need to exist in doing it so I don't feel lazy at all when going jobclub. I'm awaken at 6a.m or 5+a.m every morning because my father goes to work around 6.40a.m I guess I need to close my doors so I'm not awaken by it.

Today's date is 21.1.26, just 9 or 10 more days left for me to use my $45, I need to save that I can survive until 2.2.26 because I will start earning money on that day. It's hard like this is "Allah on Time" something real like he will make my family at mood to give me money instead? Why must I believe something like that anyway, I zikir a lot then I thought of daily fixation of zikir then I didn't do. Then just now I was thinking about it in shower, I think of doing just 100 at least daily will still be nice. Now is 7.20a.m I'm supposed to wake up at this time but I woke up early today. I wonder if (S) is limited to the same amount to spend, wonder how she will have fun in life then, wonder why she don't mind feeling bad experience like me when she can feel wonderful daily like Cadbury, Honey Stars and Koko Krunch. I really feel it's the fairness that makes her my soulmate as going through the same difficulty as me. I wonder if my other friends are feeling like what I imagine Honey Stars etc. They all definitely having a nice life while I'm suffering.

My Simba data usage is 428mb/400gb, I'm not going anywhere today to spend it, I just want a nice feeling in life and only will spend it during my jobclub.