I saw a video of difficult Arabic Text to read then I just followed hoping I can read Arabic nicely like those people, I remember Aqmar was still young when my 1st sister did the same about Arabic Learning(Facebook follows first) then she finally can read Al-Quran she's so lucky, I really want to become a reader of Al-Quran. The excitement exist when I read Iqra to be a reader of Al-Quran I hope it lasts forever because I want the peace that people said it happens from reading Al-Quran, thinking of (S) is so loss of peace as I can't get her then I think this is the real way.
When I drank cold water just now, it's like a break-into-higher-peace then the pain just goes away, there's a weird dot physical pain in my body I don't know how to get rid of, I think promotes the vision of seeing white people(not about skin but colour white #FFFFFF like this) if someone understands Hex language it's like that I think, it's like the colour of drawing block, and shape of human. My vision is weird.
It's like a pain that causes me to have visions of shape of humans in crystal and white colours sometimes black too, they're small size like my Palm or sometimes smaller, it's weird kind of vision, I really think the spike haven't gone away when I smoke and feel the calmness is one of a kind. I think the spike became a form of liquidish material then it's stuck inside body making me have feelings sometimes, it's weird. Exercises makes my body feels nice and recovered I really hope I can exercise alot.
I did sideways legs lifting 50 times each and it's difficult I would be struggling around 30 or 40 times then I just continue then suddenly my body would be feeling nice "if sleep", I really enjoy exercises because of the feelings after doing it.
Today my mother is going to Granny's house then I wonder if she will buy Chilli Sauce Chicken with Chilli Sauce Rice, it's so nice the food I forgot the shop's name.
I imagine myself only having 7-9 readers for this writing as a lot of paragraph, I created an adsense account hoping I can earn from writing blogs, then I think it's impossible that Google will accept my adsense request because I have low visitors. It's to earn putting advertisement in blog, this morning I got 15 views and quite a shock so many even if early in the morning. I don't know how the calculation of views happens, the choice of people is it the matter I write about?
I remember my Facebook or Friendster used to have over 300 friends then I restarted Facebook and deleted Friendster, I miss my life of having people to read my post like a normal daily life thing, I really lost my life then it becomes different because of schizophrenia, now I have 0 friends until today because I deleted everyone and restarted Facebook. It's because of schizophrenia I feel everyone knows something but not telling me, so I rather delete them from my Facebook.
I'm hungry now I feel like eating the sambal telur yesterday my mother cook have 1 more then have too many petai ruining the taste of eating it, I don't eat petai is why. Then have honey popcorn 1 cup size I feel like eating too.
I hope I'm smoothly remembering Iqra later.
I just ate awhile while writing this I paused to eat haha.
In Iqra have like Oval and > kind of line I need to understand fully first then it's like the "ka ki ku" have a different way of writing, exist the "a i u" too different way of writing. The "na ni nu" also it looks like "za zi zu" in a joint-type of writing, "ma mi mu" also confusion with "ha hi hu" when it's written", then "tsa tsi tsu" also looks like nothing short like "na ni nu" in a joint-writing I hope I can understand these fully then it means I can read the Arabic text by then. I remember when reading "Allah" have a "w" on top of it means to read together I think, it's hard like once understanding how to write it is when we understand how to read it, I hope I can understand all these paragraph's complication in 3 months only. I want to read the Al-Quran by March hopefully as a way to heal up due to missing (S) alot. I don't know why my love is so deep since 6 years old(actually since baby I think) it's been 31.5 years in love with her, then my recovery been (W) and (A) that decided to leave me all alone in my schizophrenic life journey. I received no support from them at all due to schizophrenia became a kind of weird understanding and I lost both girls. It's harsh this life with schizophrenia can believe a lie easily due to memory-loss at the moment of remembering the lie, then we thought it's true. My luck is really bad about this.
I'm trying my best to save up but I bought redbull just now, having $69 now, it's like a countdown of a scary life approaching me, but what's good is it's not $50 even for half month of January, I really need to be strong until 2nd February the day of my Jobclub and receiving $18 to save up too. I really need to buy the Anbernic RG477V and hope my recovery happens faster. It's definitely my life goal.
I plan to write like a wishlist at my blog but I forgot how to create a blog, because I was using WordPress in the past, in my old blog ever had a wishlist then it's different blog style now.
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