I wonder what I should do, I really have no computers, if not I would download PSP games first for my future playing Anbernic RG477V, life really feel empty and it's only 9a.m+.
Schizophrenia created me loss of life experiences and I have survived this long and happy about it, at least I have taken medications more than 6 months, my mother like not saying it's because of schizophrenia my loss in life but like my fault instead, it's weird that she told me about Solat and reading Iqra yesterday, it's not that I no longer want to Solat its just the feeling I get is just not the same. But nvm it's the same everywhere the telling to Solat, I'm just different than my family about this I guess. I can't imagine myself not achieving anything in life but my mother makes me feel something as okay yesterday like telling my aunt didn't achieve high in school too, then it's okay I guess, the genius expectation in family is not really there and it's okay to be just N-level. I wonder when my brother will talk about Car License, it's maybe February my guess and hope I get it done soon too, I imagine 6 months of passing then 3 months of passing motorcycle license, I really want to get both. I really want to have something in life like an asset, license is an asset feeling and a jackpot feeling in life, I really want to do this in life. I am sad in the past schizophrenia is the cause of me not taking license properly but my mother like not talking about this sickness instead blaming me for it, it's harsh I assume doctors made them to feel that way in conversation.
I was planning to smoke only 5 sticks because of smoking 6 sticks was my last day then I like skip a day without smoking, then I don't know if I can do it. It's not really something to be angry about - smoking but I kept hearing voices of anger from smoking, that I will write something like this, like someone would scold me or lecture me about it. My life's bad luck is really when I'm alone I still hear voices that I anticipate and end up writing in anger about it. I just have 3 days to go before doing my 5/8 of Jobclub, I hope the ending feeling really happens as I am tired of doing nothing in life.
I think it's too early in the morning to learn Iqra but I maybe will just do it anyway, thinking of what to learn in life too, it's weird people Solat, Zikir and Doa and it's just mumbled words from our mouth in Arabic language then believe of success in life from it, I wonder how life can happen like that but then when I think of psychic exist, maybe it's real like Wali Allah really knows from Allah Himself. It's like thinking how Nabi Musa talks to Allah and it's unfair how he can do that and why we can't? Why can't we communicate with Allah and why Solat is required to know answers? It's unfair how life is like that, then psychics don't need to Solat to know answers, I definitely want to become like a Psychic more than Wali Allah, because Solat is not needed and they seem to know more than A Wali Allah.
I wonder how to become psychic in life, is it really only learning psychology it can happen? Can I become psychic by learning psychology myself like reading a book about it? I feel like a neglected person thinking of answers in life.
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