Today is Day 157 out of ward on medication, it's still only around 5 mths+ out of ward kind of feelings and total of 205 days on medications. Maybe they calculate "out of ward for 6 months on medications" then give me money? I imagine like that, it's still too long to go 23 more days to go then it's 6 months out of ward.
Simba data usage is 1.86mb/400gb still used like nothing, I wonder when's the moment i will feel like a normal person using Android, now just having it but feeling nothing, I wonder if quitting cig. will make me become something like enjoyment in life with what I have.
When I don't smoke I feel quite slow in writing alot of stuff, I really wasted my plans about fishing and in the end not doing it, it's maybe too fast but if later, I would maybe have started working anyway, tomorrow is 5/8 in jobclub then I'm excited it's ending the free work, then start earning in February. I hope life's not so tough, just the needs for cigs. makes me feel bad, I can't become like other people. Quitting cig. is good in my opinion because it makes walking feels lighter, when smoke walking feels heavier somehow, no idea why it's like that. People just not making me go through a schedule of quitting cig. but just making me immediately quit it, it's harsh to not feel anything, anger makes wanting to smoke a lot more then the voices of small girl really makes me angry sometimes it appears, I'm so unlucky to know the small girl in my lifetime, if not I would have felt something else in this world, if not I would have scored so high during N-level maybe then ended the bad view on myself. What an unlucky life. Small girl however will lose memory after attacking then it feels like nothing maybe, it's weird my life to be experiencing this kind of schizophrenia that forgets after attacking. She's somehow stable to be studying in N.U.S I think. That's just her luck in life to be like that.
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