Really slow kind of earning money, as it's too little but the job just now is not so much too, it feels fair.
Got my 2 new shirts for jobclub just now and I look better like a person that have a job, still in mind that I earn very little though.
I'm at home now after eating chicken chop with tomato rice at coffee shop just now, $5.90 spent as cash, hahaha, really feel like a cheapskate person now, they really supposedly had made me no money but my brother gave me $200 at that time, glad it's already 5 February and 2 more days is 1 week of February, I really feel like I don't have time to be earning so little but my life like forced to become this way as I can't work as fact due to schizophrenia, I remember Hisyammuddin able to work at that time then I think he's my energy of this phase of I.M.H schedules, just thinking of him makes me think I can do it too. It's so tough being schizophrenic, then when the days the job is too easy like just now it becomes bad if say "can't work". I really think I should carry on this harsh part of my life, just 3 hours per day, then $6.20 transport per day, then earn $18/day, but luckily my mother paid for transport so I earn full $18/day. It's like sad life my life, I really must go through this and consider myself as having a proper job already, I really don't want to suffer in life so I have to work like Hisyammuddin. He's the only example about a good decision during a tough moment that I have to follow.
My Simba data usage is 3.45gb/400gb, still good as using it normally, I usually browse my TikTok on Android and it's how data is used up a lot, it's not 1gb per day yet even and I have 10gb estimation per day and leaving 100gb end of the month if used this way, I really am trying to live like a normal man. All I have left to do is to explore the country to imagine lifestyle but (S) works everyday anyway, maybe she didn't see much of the outside life too, but I don't know she don't tweet anymore, or does she Facebook and Instagram still even? Her life became like what after tunang with monkeyface? She really got me into a deep sadness at that time, I really think I'm going crazy like "is this the real world?" when I look at my hands like "I'm really a person with a soul living my life", it's not a dream, I really feel I have ever became insane but nobody tells me that, because schizophrenia is just a mental sickness and not insanity, the nonsense or crap that I have written in the past made myself think I am insane and crazy, it's really bad I hear those voices saying whatever I have written, I wonder why I'm created like that in this world where alot of humans can see then 1 mouth could be an expert level of spread then I go through this bad life hearing voices of bad person lying to me stuff, I'm so unlucky the judgement definitely became like I'm such mentality of whatever I have written. I remember liking Dragon and Snake because of my year of birth and (S)' year of birth by Chinese Zodiac. I even thought what I see is seeing it alone and it's been top secret and thought dragons exist, feeding animal food can make it hybrid and grow into becoming a dragon 1 day, I also thought snakes can become dragon if eat horse head, then I thought Hippo is example of a dragon thats not fully formed yet, example of a dinosaur still exist. I really grew into liking animals a lot.
I wonder what pet I will keep 1 day, yesterday I feel like buying fishes that's like guppy and like 10 of them, hoping to breed them and becomes a lot 1 day, haha, really I remember fishtank as oily or slippery inside when cleaning then I don't think I'm keeping myself fishes already, I really need something to do in my life.
Just now I miss a bus of 161 then I had to wait until 11.30a.m+ then bus arrive, but I'm lucky like the one in charge say to go home at 11.20a.m but we finished at 11.10a.m instead and go home, luckily I am enough time for the chicken chop with tomato rice.
I wonder if (S) is living normally without me, story of me getting $1m or $2m 1 day from my adopted family, means I will catch-up with what (S) had saved from working at O.C.B.C, it's really cool like I will get Sports Car, Family Car and buying myself a Lorry and get a K.R too, I really will catch-up with how rich (S) have became when living her life without me with the job that I got for her, it's still a nice nostalgia thing of life that I really give my full effort to get her the job, then I wonder if it's true or a dream sometimes too, but I remember I ever talked to her so it's definitely not a dream, I was definitely there on her day of interview and got her the job by Hacking and get myself employed by the Bank at 38 years old as the deal, then doctors until now didn't say anything about it, I really wonder why I'm let to be dreamy about this. Will I really be somewhere else and get a soldier job 1 day too? Why is my number correctly 80244202 like doctor said in the past then? Soldier job don't seem real anymore too, 38 years old also don't seem real, like I thought it's December, then I'm 38 years old at 19 June, will I really get the hacker job? I'm definitely happy as can meet (S) everyday at work as we will work at the same place, just my status as a hacker. But I remember she will be learning how to hack anyway as she's potential 2nd Top Hacker in the World and (W) as 3rd Top etc. The govt definitely will make her learn hacking from me, it would be so easy earning money 1 day it sounds so easy that it's like a dream come true.
What am I going to do now? Iqra then just hang around until Monday work? I can't spend my daily life normally like the past, I have nobody to hangout with, I wonder why I bought bicycle but I'm still hopeful what doctors said to come true, I will definitely know what to do 1 day like going fishing all that, I really want to get fishes home for my family to eat and become somebody useful.
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