I remembered that if I work as a cleaner at I.M.H I will become the cleaner supervisor 1 day says doctor, means if I work Popeyes I will become Restaurant Manager, means whatever work I work I will climb in Status. I really hope I become a loyal worker like (S), to 1 company. I really wonder what I will work as, I truly hope it's not McDonalds but a Data Entry Job, it really feels like I will work McDonalds but when I think of Hisyammuddin it's actually fine too.
Yesterday during sleep I switched on my lights because I hear voices and Pokemon battle sounds at the same time, it was scary so I just switched on my lights and sleep.
I dreamt alot yesterday but I don't remember any of the dream, I think whenever I sleep well I actually dream a lot, I hope it continues because I really want to know my dream definition from doctor but doctor is not talking to me normally anymore making me think he's forgotten about me. I'm just a patient to doctor, nothing special like my imagination or dream, the reality is confusing because I'm a schizophrenic I always mix reality and dreams as true and real.
My Simba data usage is 3.86gb/400gb still the same as yesterday.
Tomorrow is my 4th day of work and adding $18 to it becomes $72 tomorrow. I'm really happy I'm halfway done of month of February. O.T says that in Mid March she will discuss with me about work then I hope I get a good job anyway, I really don't know what I will work as and I hope not a cleaner as the point, I really want a big salary job too.
Just now I bought redbull as usual and smoke a stick of cig. downstairs, I feel great after redbull but I know next month I will be short of money and cant redbull everyday, I don't know if my mother's friend that consider me like her son remembers that 182 days to give me money, I remember last year the promise is like that but I'm not hoping too much for it, I hope during the Budget Talk the Govt will give last year's unused Skillsfuture money into cash like story of doctor and we all will get $500 causing me to buy Anbernic RG477V immediately I think, I will really think properly if I'm doing it or just buying in June due to anhedonia I feel nothing playing games.
It's weird that whoever reading my blog is usually on the dot of the moment I write a post and it's usually fixated and not normal growth of readers that imagined as coming late sometimes, and usually it's just like that. I really wonder who reads but im made to only wonder about it, I know (S) said about reading in M.R.T but I'm not sure if she's really a happy reader too. It's weird.
I'm calculating my number of days on medications, July, August, September, October, November, December, January 7 months confirmed and now I'm at February the 8th month, just 4 more months and I'm 1 year done, I'm truly happy about it, I really plan to recover by next year then I hope. 23 February I will be seeing doctor again and get my injection and hope it's a recovery occurrence any of the day before end of 1 year on medications, it's really hard I don't know when Hisyammuddin recovers but I know he was ever on the same phase as me and he have done it first, he being able to work means I should be able too, but he Solat while I don't, I'm really late about recovering while he's so far ahead of me already.
Anyway I really don't like to be pitied and someone fall in love from pity, but then I really hope (S) pity me and love me now, because the point is getting her. I don't know if I can really forget her it's been more than 30 years loving her yet she don't care about it. The love is so long like age of a marriage but the impact of true love is still not like the movies or drama in reality, it's really hard to get, but in movies or drama "if true love = get", life is so harsh on me then I have schizophrenia making it more difficult, then my parents don't give me money making it more difficult, I earn like a person without sickness as the expectation from others then it's unfair I feel pain in me as fact.
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