Glad today is Tuesday

As it means I have another rest tomorrow, I feel like I think my family thinks I'm crazy and shouldn't get married, it feels like that as the main reason they didn't try for so many years, my relatives trying are not counted I guess but their wish is against my vision of a nice future or nicer life, if my parents tried to help it would've been nicer as it's direct, I don't know why they decide to be this way to me.

I really don't want to become lazy for work, I really think I should have a better life soon but it's like this, I really just working jobclub and still like a useless man, I imagine myself compared to (S) and it became impossible that I have any chances at all.

Anyway doctor's story about working at Popeyes, the O.T said that I won't be working there at all, it's definitely somewhere else and I wonder what job too, I really hope it's data entry, I really pray my sufferings in life ends too. I'm in love with someone that's not helping me just because she knows me, proving we don't have any ties then I imagine her as my soulmate, my two ex-gf left me because of small girl is kind of retarded that it's been so long but I'm thinking of them, I really lost all of them as fact, I wonder what should I do in life there's nobody that's helping me about (S) especially, their way of helping doesn't help me at all, they know when I see her I would recover but didn't make me meet her at all, it's such a waste and painful in life, it's like going through authority figure ruling my life believing im crazy but giving other reasons to not get the girl I want, I'm so unlucky I wonder when the small girl will pay her penalty, I don't know why my parents didn't sue her too, my parents are stupid that's why, she caused me to be in a lot of pain that's heat that is also unbelievable, because I have schizophrenia, she's lucky still alive living her life to the best she can be. I think I will just hate her my entire life.

My blogposts not making (S) contact me at all is weird like talking to a rock, she said she will read my blog but I'm like talking to a rock, it's unbelievable, I see no chances then she making it worse by not rejecting me or telling me to give up, I wonder what she's up to, she's wasting my time and I should be doing something else, I wonder what I can do in life to get her, I feel like exploring City Hall who knows there's big O.C.B.C somewhere then she's there, but I can't get her at all, I really dont know where she's at. I'm so stupid and (S) is wasting my time.