There's new RG Vita but I thought RG477V is the last as story of doctor but I remember maybe information got mixed up by the small girl that my memory became hearing false information instead. It's normal hearing small girl's voice nowadays, just maybe a lot of anger because it's wrong information, then also the medicine have removed the pain of anger which is hotness in my heart, luckily.
Today I didn't sleep well because of drinking a lot of water then I experience the needs to go toilet, I felt the spike still exist due to needing toilet, and can feel the pleasure of it still, it's hard the spike makes cant sleep then if can still be felt I wonder if it ruined my sleep quality too.
Spikes created me a different type of writing like my feelings memories of pain abit more and it's a lot of anger too. 10 more days I'm going to see doctor then I know it's not changing yet, but my medicine will be until March, I'm happy it's nearing to June again, and feeling how fast life growing up is. I really hope I become a better health and a better man because my ex-es are all high quality girls, means I am actually a high quality man and still should be with (S) and would still match.
I read that intelligent people "talk to themselves" and I wonder how, I tried questioning myself "nak buat ape?" as I'm bored and lonely, I really didn't end up talking to myself, maybe they do it in front of Mirror as fact? The nurse didn't visit me this week, making my days to go through as something lighter to imagine schedules is quite rimas also.
My recovery feelings: it's still the same, my sleep can be achieved better just from melatonin, difficulty of sleep is only due to needing to go toilets. My energy to live life exist like planning to quit smoking still lives on, like saving my March and April salary to buy RG477V in mind, I only need $100 in April if I don't spend anything on cigs. at all. My dreams got better I forgot what I dream about but it's okay, my sleep overall settled nicely for the day. I still can wake up to bath as normal and don't feel bad from it, I remember 1 time I feel like bathing is sleepy but only once but maybe it's because I took Melatonin late the day before. I feel like I can't get my ex-es back somehow it's weird but doctor said differently so I don't know how far will doctor help me, I remember the first help is saying I'm "worth it to wait". I hope every effort becomes smoother. I somehow won't rush to toilet like I imagine in the past, I really look like I can control the toilet needs already, even if drinking red bull early morning in the bus I'm still fine. I feel like working from jobclub redirection to be something permanent until I start school again next year due to schizophrenia I kept losing memory and I can't study at all. I remember (A) told me not to take O-levels but I really was suffering schizophrenia lost my momentum to learn anything too, I feel I should become someone with at least Diploma, but if I have to maybe become like my sister taking Private Degree instead, then means I will work from jobclub redirection as something permanent to keep saving up from there? I remember reading some people get their degree at 40+ years old and I think it's fine still. I wonder if I can really become a soldier person too.
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