Saturday, February 21, 2026

Day 191(239 on medications)

Yes! Tomorrow I'm 2/3 of a year done on medications, I'm finally finishing the fixed meds for 1 year.

My Simba data usage: 0.99gb/400gb.

With enough money now I can topup my Simba line for $50 to reach August getting $850, I'm really happy that my bro gave me $1000, today is only Saturday and tomorrow is Sunday, making me having 2 more days of rest before working and meet doctor on Monday.

It's really hard I'm trying my best to believe of power like Ayatul Kursi to wear as necklace to become a better Muslim, at least it's an identity that I will wear. I watch videos that to wear it as something not allowed but who cares anyway, it's for Protection purposes. To believe of it is like not believing Psychics exist at first or Wali Allah exist, then since both exist, power maybe exist too and I will wear it 1 day.

Yesterday I dreamt alot too and I Sahur at 5.30a.m today, then waking up from sleep at 9a.m, I think it's because of eating melatonin late that I will wake up so late, I really want to be energized every morning due to Monday and Thursday morning is my working day, it's really heavy if I feel sleepy until 9a.m.

It's weird my recovery like not happening and happening at the same time. I bought posters of quote like "Become 1% Better Everyday", "Work hard in Silence etc." and 1 more "The Key to Success is Focus on Goals etc." to energize me daily at home to remember them for me to keep working hard every day. I plan to exercise after buka puasa everyday and hope I make a good form of body even if it's only my legs and arms being exercised, making sit-ups gives me back pain and I can't do it, I really think of buying the abs massager to create my stomach more flat as I drink a lot of water it becomes fat. Even if Ramadan is a month to become more saving up on money, yesterday I bought Redbull $1.20, Milo $2.20, Pineapple Juice $1.1 and Coke $1.1, it's really $5+ spent just like that because my crave and thirst for a nice feeling in my throat been so long, I shiver Abit due to the niceness of the flavour because it's too nice and I haven't tasted something nice for so long, it's sad that I spent so much just in 1 day but it's not usual and not every day, it happens like once a month where my thirst for feeling something nice happens, means every month 1 day I will spend more, I remember if drinking 2 bottles of drinks will make me feel like a sore throat, so I think health is important too. Redbull for energy, Pineapple Juice for the sweetness, Milo for missing it, and Coke too I miss it.

It's been 16+ years long that I kept losing memory and my family until today do not talk about it they live like I'm normal everyday sadly I can't recall my memories faster, I really need to recall a lot of my memories so I live a stronger life.

Anyway it feels like the nurse won't be coming to my house again, but I don't know maybe 27th February as the last day of visit, it's final like I'm becoming independent in medications that a nurse visit is no longer needed and I can do well on my own. Next month is March and it's only in 8 days, then I have 3 more months to become 38 years old. Time really flies being on medicine 1 year didn't really feel like something and I'm sad my life is just taking medicine and yearly warded last time, I really pray for my recovery to be faster and I hope Ayatul Kursi necklace makes me recover faster too and my doa to become Makbul. The latest I will receive the items I ordered around 2nd and 3rd March and I'm still happy about it.

After buying RG477V, I hope my nephews visit me more bringing their console so we can play games together as multiplayer, I remember it's my memory of small girl and their talks about being given money which I don't know what date, I remember one of the voices sentence 20+ February but it's still the same, I have no news from Bik Minah, Mak Ni and Bik Isah but I remember Pak Ngah said will be giving me at 38 years old, but I wonder if it's the small girl's voice making a big voice too, I'm really unhappy I became not knowing facts because of the effort of the small girl intruding in every happy news. I maybe wouldve gotten (S) secretly if the small girl wasn't around, I really miss her then I can't do anything about it, I really hope this money is enough to last me until August as I will imagine $200/mth, but I hope it's lesser monthly too. I managed to save up still and I stopped writing my cashbook expenses because in the past everytime I write my expenses I will get money at home, I feel like I was being hacked secretly monitored, it's like a spying and it's more than coincidence, it's weird but it's like that my feelings.

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