My Simba data usage: 1.13gb/400gb.
Recovery moment is still tough due to the voices I hear that makes me think I will receive money from my Aunt, it's hard but I wrote it down already, the girl probably asked what I call my Aunt then use it to create a sentence of being given money, so bad my life expecting money like that.
I received my jobclub days to work in March it's still the same 2 days work a week, it means I will earn $162 instead, it's not 3 days a week, maybe April will become 3 days a week then I think, it sucks how it looks like I will get a job only in May, I really want to earn more than $1000/mth to keep myself stable, it's tough my life have to be this way. It looks tempting to work outside already but I don't know if I have the stamina anyway, I kept exercising daily after buka to maintain having a good body, I just need to fix my body which is exercise, mind which is medicine, finance which is work, then I really will become a better man, I read a quote about life.
It's sad taking so long to get a good job, and earning only very little for the 2nd time in March, I have to bear with this I guess, I remember 1 of jobclub person was in 3 days a week it means he's been around jobclub for more than 3 months, wow it's so long to get a job and I have to endure this.
It's hard if hear voices and not believe it, to not think of past but it sounds real like a memory of promise instead, the small girl really had fooled me multiple times and leaving a memory of pain in future(now) from the past attacks. No one have any idea why her attitude is like that, she was only in a panic as discovered love to attack babies. I think she just want me to become crazy and that's all she needed to be let off about having someone knowing or remembering she likes to attack my niece a baby at that time.
Yesterday my brother found London Cigarette then gave the whole box to me, it's almost full still and still new, I wrap in tied in a plastic inside my bag so tak masok angin. My energy for Hari Raya is still none because I think will only go to my Nenek's house and that's all. I have no collection to collect because I'm 38 years old this year, I really still feel like a young person due to memory loss for 16+ years from shock, anger and even happiness(of false information like being given money), I will keep losing memories because of this 3 feelings.
Ramadan feels like empty because I have been alone for over 16 years and it's weird people are still having life while I'm sick of schizophrenia and nobody give me extra pleasures in life, I'm so unlucky to be having schizophrenia and not disciplined like Hisyammuddin, I'm just barely surviving in life now with March working 2 days a week again for another $162(as March is 31 days), it's really tough my life still have to be this way.
After this I'm going to learn Iqra to make up for yesterday then I'm done. I just need time to pass for buka then tomorrow is another off day then work on Thursday. My life is really weird working like this but I really have to do this kind of work, it's really tough being in the phase that Hisyammuddin was in, then he managed to survive, luckily have a good example to follow and note that actually I can still work too, I just have to get a normal job then I'm sticking to it until next year I guess, I hope I can do well working to become like him, earn stably and just live my life as usual, I think I don't remember when it was but I know I miss alot of years when not doing the medicine correctly like him, I don't know why its like a childish feeling like a tantrum in my heart due to anger for being pushed into a difficulty despite having schizophrenia and people don't give money due to the sickness I have which is hard to work. I just survive like this for now and hope for the best in March too. It really looks like I will only get a job in May.
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