Work in 2 Days!

The end is finally here, it's going to be Thursday that my last day of the month to work, finally earning money by myself and I hope I carry on surviving this way. It's hard as March it's still 2 days of work a week means I won't be earning $216 in month of March. I wonder why people let me just being like this enduring the work to do and getting little money, the ez-link is definitely a lot to go through but it's maybe I'm childish or just the bad feelings I have if I just work, I really hope it's much faster but I can't do anything about it, March have been scheduled the jobs that I have to do.

I really hope have nice medicines like benztropine or prozac to feel good when taking medications, it's really a dull feelings I have to wait hours everytime, it's really a long time but luckily I'm at home and not in ward. If in ward I would keep looking at the time then stuck inside thinking if going home it's like a madness into my mind, I wonder why my family don't care that I experienced such thing and didn't think of giving me money to enjoy after a bad 1.5months in ward, only my brother gave me money in the end, I'm really expecting from my parents alot but they don't care I experienced such thing by not giving me extra money to enjoy my life.

It's like a weird feeling in my head but at least the injection was done yesterday making me still having medicines in body to survive until March, then April is also another injection then May will see doctor, it's really ending doctor have extended meeting from every 2 months into 3 months, I definitely must survive this hardship by keeping going to work for money, I understand the madness felt by Hisyammuddin it truly felt very suicidal and boring, it's really harsh having to live life with limited money but at least he was surviving on $10K at that time, I'm different, it's really hard on $1000, spending $350 on RG477V maybe, then it's really over. I'm still waiting for $231 refund for the RG477V that I spent on TikTok then including $144 I will have close to $800 left, my family don't think about money as much as I do, my siblings eat nice food usually but Ramadan I remember my 2nd sister only eat Maggi on first day, they usually can afford anyway not like me thinking of savings and working little hours for little money. Nobody made me feel ease except my brother, I really need to keep surviving until August, it's really hard but I really am a  survival life even if I'm a schizophrenic. I don't know why (S) or the rest of the girls didn't pity me like giving me money, I thought it's love as something that we never wanted to break up, but they living easier than me which worry about money instead as a man, I really feel I have nobody that will support me, me $1000 feels like will finish and I worry of having no money again in June maybe, why is it like that? It's maybe not even 38 years old that I will receive money, no one remind me of getting money at all and I don't know the dates too, why is it like that? Why I'm the only one in family that thinks of money until this kind of pressure and stress?

The happy thing is tomorrow is another rest day then the unhappy thing is it's Ramadan so I can't drink a lot of cold water, my body have to live through the spike feelings, like it would never end and wonder if allergy really cause me anhedonic I really loss of pleasure in my body, but it's not really rashes I just became to itch alot at my legs then I suspect it's from the medicine as I read "tell doctor if rashes", then it means I'm maybe allergic to it a little bit, but I have been surviving more than 6 months with it.

I'm really hoping for like $200/mth then focus on medications from my family, 1 year is $1200 only but it looks like it can't happen, I wonder why they rather make me work when I have schizophrenia, I remember doctor saying I can work if I take medicines then I hope doctor is right about it, but after thinking of Hisyammuddin my cousin, maybe doctor did not lie as he managed his life properly after that, I'm in so much difficulty while nobody pitied me, like they just understanding that I am someone that is capable to work, I wonder when I will become angry into independence of working continuously for 1 year, but I goal until next year to take O-level then I really don't know if I'm really taking it, doctor didn't help me by talking to me about it. The last meeting was only a short conversation about 3 months meet again then injection and it's done, I don't know why they don't want to make my life easier but only believe on medicines to be the cause of health and strength, Hisyammuddin is proof that it's true then I don't know how long this crazy feelings will be felt in my body, I remember Hisyammuddin was in a bad feelings too, feeling like suicidal because of money shortage, I don't know why they make us feel it first before giving us money, they could've just given money without us having to worry about it in our future.