No life

Ramadan is approaching but still no help from my family, I don't know how many months of medication is their promise but they probably want me to regard my life as not being given any amount of money, I'm meant to suffer in life thinking about money, I think when I become fit and healthy one day to buy a house and live on my own and never visit my family anymore, I think I give up about waiting for money from them, they are old age close to imagine death but still not giving me money it means they won't give me any other support or help at all. Medicine is common sense to provide I'm just unlucky to be having this sickness if not I have nothing to complain about my family.

They give me an uneasy feelings to ask for money and my heart is not smooth thinking of them, it's like a friction of pain and anger, they definitely want me to fear asking for money. I hope I become strong enough 1 day to live by myself and not visiting my parents anymore because of the imagination of $10K and still $0. I think to not visit them until death and have grown to hating them, they made me hate them of course it's been since N.S I was not supported and have no money, I have schizophrenia and can't work and have no money, this is stupid way of caring me I'm already 38 years old and writing this, they definitely don't care about my future as fact.

I wonder how I can get a nice job, only jobclub to hope for and "not stable job" like doctor said, I wonder how I can survive like this, it's going to be how little the money and how heavy the work? Why are a lot of companies wanting safety shoes then it makes me hard to find a job? It's troublesome thinking about life having to endure in March, it's so difficult and I'm experiencing this even at old age - turning 38.

Don't know what's their plan for me but I don't feel happy or pleasured, it's like they ruin a nice food with putting a lot of petai that I don't eat then end up I don't getting sauce and feeling the pleasure of food, it's like today the sambal have a lot of petai I definitely will only eat the egg just like that with sauce on the eggs only, scooping sambal will be difficult and they are selfish to me like that, always thinking of themselves in life.

I don't know who to complain but doctors not being supportive like helping me, they just know to tell to take medicine and then I hear false-info and they still don't settle it, I just have to take medicine daily to try be stable and become stronger to live my own life that I will live alone. I definitely won't visit them anymore if I survive March and April by myself and not supported by money, suicide is not a thing until I revenge on Alysha for ruining my life, she just makes the feelings become hotter and worse, her words just angers me even after more than 16 years I still can boil up and like a bloodrush boiling heart, I'm so fed up how nobody is helping me putting the girl into a bad state of life but she getting to become a degree person and earning a lot and living a nice life with a relationship instead. Life is unfair, God is unfair to me, I find these as meaningless life waiting daily for food, like a dog instead that know how to use ez-link to journey around Singapore.